hello all. just stopping in. I am about to go through a whole slew of changes in my life. (excuse my brief babble away from the subject at hand) Dan and i have been together for 3 yrs. We were engaged, then we broke up for a month (december 2002) we got back together jan 2003 and have been together for 6 months. I don't believe i am being treated fairly, even treated w/ respect...so i have decided to end the relationship.......when? i dunno, when i get the guts to do it i guess. Second, i am back on my exercise plan. When we broke up the first time, i went on it and lost 6 lbs and looked better and felt better than i have in a long time. When we got back together it all came back (i guess i just wasnt happy like i thought)...anyway.....and the third change.....i am going to pay a friend to teach me...kicking and screaming...to drive. I am going to pay her each week for a certain amt of hours.....and even if i don't go...i still have to pay her (unless there is an EXTREMELY good excuse!!) She is a great cheerleader and a close trusting friend. So, there are my big changes......its time for a new brandi.......and i am ready for it.....a little worried bc its all happening at once...but i have the support of my mother and my friends and family. They are there to catch me if i crash and burn emotionally. Plus...this is a time to stand up for myself, do stuff for myself and prove to myself i can do this..and can do ALL of this, and be fine :) ok..thanks for letting me get that out! thank you so much for your support everyone! xoxo brandi

A suggestion when a passenger is not to act like the driver, and therefore don't watch the traffic. Rather, enjoy just the passing scenery, sidewalk activity or store windows as you pass them. Let the driver assume the worry for the truck or whatever is on the road.

Thanks Melanie for the advice...I try to stay positive as offten as I can...right now I am feeling very positive...I did Drive again today...and was so scared but felt great afterwards...I have driven more in the last week then I have in years....But still have very far to go...I lack a lot of confidence and I have yet to convince myself that driving is something that will someday be easy for me... No Renee, I have never taken any medications to help me with my phobia nor have I ever seen a doctor for it...To be perfectly honest I am afraid of medications...I have heard a few horror stories about some prescription drugs...But I will admit I have taken a valium once in a highly stressful situation and it did wonders for me(my wedding day...lol)...But just the words Driving test are nerve racking...My big thing is Big Trucks and car behind me....if only I could always avoid them I think that would help me tons....but I must admit that the big trucks sometimes bother me when I am just a passenger...anyone got any advise on deal with that one???....But like you Renee I too don't have to deal with the big city...thank God...I am thinking that if I ever get to the point of driving alone and confident, I am thinking I will just drive in my somewhat small town...No highways or big citys in my future... :) Well thank you guys so much...you really have been a ton of help...It is so great to be able to talk to people that understand... Oh...I am not sure if this helps anyone but I did read somewhere that for some people just cutting back on caffine can help some people in nervous situations...I tried it and I think it has help me a bit...

Amish - Do you take any medications? Maybe if you take a xanax to keep you relaxed while you drive might help if they don't make you groggy. I took my driving test on a 1/2 of valium :) It was just enough to take the edge off but still had a clear head. I am still scared of big city driving and busy freeways but fortunately don't have to deal with that where I live. I also get butterflys when it might rain, don't like driving in bad weather. Good luck to you and hang in there. I think you are doing great :) Renee

Amish Beauty, No need to rush into things. Driving is obviously something that you are working at at your own pace. It does indeed sound like you are making progress! When you feel that there is no hope remember your goals and remember little steps are big steps! Thanks for posting such as informative message today! We look forward to hearing from you again real soon :). Melanie

Hello everyone...I too am new here but can relate to so many of your stories...I am 27 and have never had a drivers licence...I have no idea where it roots from but I can honestly say it drives me crazy...I guess I realized it early on like many of you...when I was 16 my parents offered to send me to Drivers Ed...I told them that I would rather have the money to go shopping I just figured I wasn't ready to drive(and I had a boy friend that had a car and he took me anywhere I needed to go) and that I would just get my licence when I turned 18...well 18 came and to my surprise my parents bought me a car...I was trully excited and even drove a friend around the block...Having practically no driving experience my parents figured it was best I get a learners permit before driving the car further...so the very next day went to the DPS office and passed the written exam with ease...Well that was about as good as it got and it has since expired...everytime a chance for me to drive arouse I had some reason why I couldn't...to the point where I think everyone realized it was just someting I wasn't gonna do...but noone understood...they just think it is something I just don't wan't to learn or was afraid to do anything alone...but as you all know it is so not that...I am so tired of being told...YOu just need to go take the test??? or...Why don't you drive???....One good thing is I did save my parents some money...my younger sister got my car when she turned 17 a few years later(was very humiliating) But anyway I have attempted it many times in the past 9 years but I get so tense and nerves to the point of almost having a panic attack...especially when a car gets behind me....that although I don't drive very far..it takes months before I attempt it again..in some cases a year or more...But I (like many of you) am so tired of being a burden to everyone...especially my parents and husband...that I don't even ask for rides anymore unless it is nessecary...If I want to go somewhere I just don't go...I would love to just once be able to got to the store for my husband when he needs something but doesn't feel like going out...Well once again am trying to attempt the task of driving...I drove last saturday but have yet to drive anymore...But Ironically our car recently broke

Renee...welcome :) i am fairly new also as bad as this sounds....i think it will take an emergancy for me to start driving (kinda like you and being preggo). Something to just scare me into it...instead of out of it hehe. still havent driven in a while (and i think its making dan mad..bc i promised its something i will work on...oops) my birthday (goal to drive on real roads) is closing in FAST>.....i get so mad at myself..ugh!!! i want to just say "ok...lets go drive....." and hop in the car and there i go ....not so easy :/ i think i am going to try this weekend....dan doesnt work or have anything....i work, but get off at 6. wish me luck (and pray/think good thoughts that i actually go through with it and drive sunday!!!) have a good weekend all!

I am new to this site and I can so relate to this topic. I have always had a fear of driving since my late teens. I am 39 now and I do drive everyday but still have much anxiety. I didn't get my license until I was 20. I had an accident a few months later and refused to drive again until I was 27 and 8 months pregrant. I knew I didn't have much choice and I started driving again. There are many reasons I fear driving....accidents, bad weather, having a panic attack while driving (had 4 so far) , fear of getting lost. I will not drive in big cities either. The worst for me is bad weather. Every time there is rain in the forcast I start feeling sick. I have even called in sick just so I didn't have to drive. There have been many times that I have driven in heavy rain and I always panic. I can't see very well and and I feel like the inside of car is closing in on me. Fortunately, I live in the desert and it doesn't rain much :) I am ok driving in town but have never ventured a drive to another city. I did drive about 90 miles last summer to pick up my daughter from her fathers. I did okay but it was also a straight shot with no cities in between. Renee

Dear Pink Completely understand what you are feeling (hence my moniker-Miss Daisy)but I can tell you that everything you are hearing is true and does work.When I was where you are-I tried the following. 1. Sat in the car and let myself experience the "fear"-I tried not to rouse or criticise myself (big problem)-saying things like "you are so stupis to feel this way", "why are you so hopeless about this?" etc.etc. Instead I said-I can do this, I am a person who in every aspect of their lives is doing OK-this will be OK too!. 2. I then just drove up and down my street (at my speed-just letting myself feel the anxiety and talking out loud). Don;t worry about the neighbours-they think you're on a cell phone- 3. Said to myself that driving up and down my small street was fantastic and that was all I had to do for the time being. 4. I decided when the "time Being" was. This weekend-Miss Daisy did all the driving around-took my daughter to various places and treated my husband to a drive for a change. Good Luck-work the program (I'm just finishing week 4 and doing it without medication too) and it works for you!

Dear PinklEfant: Another thing I used to do was to replace the fear thoughts; i.e., negative thoughts about not wanting to drive, with positive thoughts like, "You'll feel really good about yourself when you've done this." And, "Each time you drive, you're getting closer to your goal of getting that licence." The positive thoughts have to be 'feel good' type thoughts -- something that will be part of the reward. I like your idea about rewarding yourself for small increments. Stuff like that will "dangle the carrot in front of your nose." Any day now, you'll be writing back like I did to say you're a competent driver who enjoys driving !!!! ;) Dale