Debora.
It is common for people to be worse the second time round. For two reasons. One is association. You know how bad it was and think it will be like that again. The other one is that for some reason your body blocks or rejects the effects of the medication if you have restarted it. Some times you have to do a different medication in the same class. ( from my therapist ).
You keep asking yourself if it will ever get better instead of telling yourself that it will. You keep finding reasons why you won't get better. Age, sickness, outside influences. These are all reasons you are using for justifying your slow progress, but being negative they are actually causing your slow progress. From personal experience I will tell that it is harder if you are sick and it is harder to learn as we age. But neither is going to stop the process. Nor will outside influences. If you want it you will fight tooth and nail to get it.
If some one rides on you, don't accept it, change the subject or tell them you have other things to do. Be assertive. Just because you love some one does not mean you have to listen to them. It is your life, if they want to live it for you rather than share it then ignore them totally.
And I mean totally. Change the subject or agree and move on. Do not absorb the negative.
I went to extremes and do not communicate with my brother. He will never understand therefore has no right to comment. That is a fact carved in stone.
Crying is a healthy release as long as you do it and accept it for what it is and don't put a negative spin on it. Do not feel bad for doing it and do not feel weak. Do it when you need to and think of it as part of the cure. A necessary part.
How much can you take? Actually a lot. You would be surprised. If you are not passing out you are handling it a lot better than you think. And there is the key. Thinking will make it worse. Accept it is happening. Accept it is going to be worse than last time. Accept it is going to take longer. But even more important accept that you are the one making it do this.
Back to the beginning of this post. Association. You need to stop thinking it is going to be bad because it was. Instead think "I am stronger than I think (Davit says so) I can beat this again."
Consider the possibility that you may need your doctor to put you on something different if what you are taking is not working. It might not be.
Concentrate on this program, it is proven to work. Ignore everyone else's advice unless they know for sure what they are talking about. Never mind if they love you and mean well. They are not helping. You have to do this on your own. We are here to help and support but you have to do the work.
Do this for your son, but more important, do it for you so you can do it for him. Don't leave yourself out. Leave everyone else out. Leaving them in is too big of a load. You can add them later. Much later when you are better.
You can keep asking if you will ever get better and I will keep telling you you will. But I will not put a time on it if you keep thinking of it in a negative way.
Tough love I'm afraid but love never the less. We want you to get better and I will give you all the help and support I can but you may not like some of it.
Just keep in mind that I have been through this. I care, and I don't even know you. That is how important it is.
If I'm slow answering, it is harvest time and I am unbelievably busy. But I do read and I do answer. I am still here for you.
Your friend, Davit.
