Hey Mike, Sweet, sounds like we have simular taste in music. Check out the Future Farmer Recordings web site, they are an independant label in SF. A few of my favorite artist are soulfull, mellow/upbeat and uplifting. Like classic rock, artist like Dave Dondero, Virgil Shaw, Juaquina, Jackpot, Nick Freitas and Four Stars are all story tellers. I love listening to them and can get happily lost in there stories. Live is even better, I promise! I just recentley got on my drum kit and forgot how great it makes me feel to let loose! I really think it helped me out of my funk. I played so hard I couldn't hold the sticks any longer and my arms ached while sweat poured off my forehead. Afterwards I felt a real smile from ear to ear that was missing from my life for way to long. Zepplin, Dylan, ACDC, Grant Green, Flaming Lips, GrandDaddy, Bjork, Cat Power, Fleetwood Mac, Beck oh the list goes on.

Hi mike - good for you - for staying at it! it does sound like you're making serious efforts to keep trying and that's important! so a big "yahoo" for you! I still think seeing your doc and trying some meds would be really helpful! It's nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to be afraid of...that's WHY you involve your doctor - because the doctor is the one who makes takes on the responsibility of helping you figure out where your at in your disorder and what's best suited for you medically...(like prescriptions)...there's so many new meds out there, that it's a shame not to give them a chance - I was talking to my doctor recently and she was telling me they've come a LONG way from when they first came out with anti-depressants...and that the med companies are constantly trying to refine the meds so there are less side affects AND they're more specific to a specific disorder.... so don't lose hope and keep your mind open! Your doctor CAN help you, just give him/her a chance..... and if you don't like your doctor, or don't feel comfortable enough with your doctor, then start shopping for a new one, because you need a doctor that you're willing to talk openly with - in the meantime though - like Anne-Marie was talking about, if you're in a really tough spot, and you were talking about some "dark places", then seek help NOW and "shop" later ;) (for a doc) - I've been there....I've seen doctors I didn't like AT ALL, but had to, cuz they were the doctor in my medical group or what have you, and I did it, I stayed with them, followed instructions, but KEPT looking for a doctor till I found one that I was comfortable with and trusted enough to not try to "hide" from.... I have to MD's and a therapist...and it's a good team for me :) you'll find the right fit for you! and I'm glad that the site and the posts are helping you! It is a big step to post and remain present, to stay active here! It makes me happy to see you've posted when I sign on - gives "me" hope :) and I'm glad you were able to smile at the coloring book :) don't laugh though, I'm serious - in really stressed out, over the top moments - it can do wonders ;) although, I didn't have a set of drums to pound on.... ;) Do stay in touch, let us know how you're doing, you know I'll keep checking on y

im finding myself on an emotional rollercoaster where i slowly move up (for the past few months ive been kinda happy with the exception of the eating problem) and in the past 2 days its one big free fall. but i know thats normal for people that suffer from depression. i have been diagnosed with depression, OCD, anxiety disorder and bi polar, so i already accepted it. now im trying to work through it and ATLEAST get myself eating, thats my first goal. as you can see i feel alittle better than i did yesterday since lol. the coloring book idea was a good idea i think im going to buy one today. i love listening to music also. i collect CDs and im a huge classic rock and alt fan. also love classical. i bought this set of classical composers and also a set of nature sounds. those are really good. ive been listening to the jazz station alot lately. thats one thing that helps me to wind down alittle but im such a mess i need to do more than that to relax, but every little bit helps. i also enjoy playing the drums that helps occupy my mind and when im pounding the heck out of them i dont think about anything else. i am going to talk to my doctor and see what meds would be good for me. just reading the replies has made me feel alittle better. i will keep you posted if anything new happens and hopefully things will start to look up.

Mike, I know you're suffering and feeling on the edge of despair. You are acknowledging serious depressive thinking. It might well get worse if you don't take action to get help with this at this point. If meds are what's needed at this point, why not take them? Go to someone. To a doctor, a clinic or the ER. Meds can help lessen that awful burden of abysmal black thinking. Please take some positive action in this regard. We do care.

Hi Mike. Well, it WOULD seem you're in the middle of a depression state, with feelings of hopelessness, loss, despair.... the "why bothers".... I'm quite familiar with those feelings as well. Anxiety and depression are not far from each other, in my opinion, (and I've discussed this with my therapist too) they often go hand in hand, it just depends on which is more prominent....for you, it may be depression is more prominent and anxiety is more of a "side affect"...who's to say. I obviously can't diagnose you as I'm not a doctor AND I don't know you, BUT a doctor COULD most definately, help you... Depression is a tricky thing....when you're in the middle of it, you have no desire to really do ANYthing.... you feel like there is NO solution.... but the truth is, there ARE solutions AND this state of depression you're in CAN lift, but you have to be willing to put some baby steps in....and it seems to me, if you're willing to post, or even read here at this site, then you're looking for answers, solutions - meaning you're willing to take action towards steps to help yourself out of this state of depression.... "My" experience with depression is, that it does take a little time to pull out of it... I haven't found the 'magic pill' or "trick" to 'snap me out' of a depression state..... but I do know that if I keep "acting as if", meaning, if I keep TRYING to work through it, eventually, I'm going to pull through it.... usually there's something that'll cause the depression for me, some event that's overwhelming, or most often, some chain of events, that I felt were totally out of my control and the outcome was devestating...... for instance, shortly after my wedding, a cat that adopted us,died.... that's a very brief version of what happened - but it put me into a state of depression because I'm not good at handling death of any kind, and the circumstances were especially unique and complex...... "plus" I felt like I was "owed" some sort of "special happy time" after my wedding, so I was holding onto some resentment as well that I felt a little 'robbed'..... but what I realized, over time, and much analyzing, is life is life and I don't have control over much in this world - and these things happen and I learn from them... and when I go through a dark time, one

Hi Mike, I know how depression can spin you only making life worse. I'm finally, slowly, coming out of a lul. Anyway, you said you listen to music. I love all kinds of music and was wondering what styles you lean towards (sad or party or whatever mood). Do you play an instrument? I've been playing drums for a little over a year now and am slowly learning quitar (although it often frustrates me I don't sound anything like I would like to. . . I know practice, grrr).

the last doctor i seen (behavioral therapist) told me to count to 5 when i breathe and it helps alittle but i think its all way beyond that. last nite showed the first sign of the depression coming back when i made that last post. i thought it was just 'one of those days' until it hit me again today. sat alone all day listening to depressing music with my head hung low. i would cry but i cried myself out years ago and i havent had the tears since. maybe if i slip into the deep depression again the swallowing problem might go away cuz my mind will be preoccupied with suicidal thoughts, sadness and misery. i dont know anymore, i feel like giving up. my whole body hurts and i feel numb. my mind is such a wreck and i feel like theres no point in even waking up. i think i need some serious meds. i can get meds i just need to know what kind would be best for me. thanks to everyone that replied to my posts i really appreciate the advice but im gonna assume my problem goes ALOT deeper than just fear and anxiety and im at a point where its too much to handle and fix maybe its so broken to a point where u just throw it away. this site is really good tho i have never seen one where people come together and try to help each other without criticism. when i can think clearer i will try to explain the way i feel better but im sure there are people who understand and feel the same way. i know im not alone in feeling this way.

Hi Mike, I'm sorry to hear about all your frustrations and disappointments! It sounds like the doctors you've seen have let you down.... if you've done an "intro" I can go look up your bio and see what you said there... but do you have a regular doctor that you see, one that you have history with? In any case, it seems like you need a "right now" solution and of course I support Anne-Marie's response of not entertaining suicidal thoughts. That's a desperate call, don't go there. First thing is breathe.... and I hear you, it's frustrating to keep hearing "relax" "breathe" etc.... but, if you're not on meds (?) or don't have a doctor that you can trust, then that's all I can offer... is what I know to do in the middle of a severe panic attack (which sounds like is what you're in the middle of (?)...and that's first, sit down. take a slow (1-2-3) breath, in.... and (1-2-3) breath, out.... the (1-2-3) is counting in your head, try to count slow 1,2,3 on the inhale and 1,2,3 on the exhale....slow breathe. and do one more..... ok. now what? right? :) that's what I'd normally ask... ;) like, ok, that's great, works for 30 seconds now what am I supposed to do.... one thing I found REALLY helpful, was I bought a good, comprehensive book about anxiety, panic & phobias - it was easy to read, written with a sort of "outline" approach with background & solution attitudes.... like "case scenerios" - and what this did for me..was more than a "self help" book which most of us probably have at least 12 laying around the house, is it gave me something to DO, that made me feel like I was helping myself AND distracting myself, even though I was reading about anxiety (which sometimes would make me worse, if I was sort of "feeding my worries") but if you're OPEN MINDED to help, an easy to read book can be helpful..... it can be anything that's easy to read for you and will help you calm down and relax - something that will NOT get your mind worried or engaged.... if you're a person that is religious - read a book on your religion (just a paragraph or two will sometimes do the trick) ..... if you're not religious.... hmmm.... oh!! this worked well for me, and you're going to think I'm totally ridiculous for even suggesting it but it WORKS so don't knock it till you try

Hi Mike. I'll be glad to look into your login problem. Can you drop me a line at support@paniccenter.net ? Give me your login info and I'll test it out.

i started on that program and whenever i go to log in now it says 'user not found' i dunno whats going on. but from what i read it made alot of sense and it helps me to keep from panicking too much. i have been eating some noodles every morning when i wake up, but once all the stress kicks in i cant do anything. i have ALOT of trouble relaxing. i cant clear my mind at all. i have to find a way to relax that works for me. i know it takes work to get through this fear and im more than willing but every doctor ive seen told me just to relax. thats ALOT easier said than done. im also VERY depressed and someone said that might have something to do with it. i need some way to slow my mind down cuz i think WAY too much, especially about bad things. this site helps alittle too, i am glad that there are people to talk to and get advice. hopefully somehow ill get through this one day but i just need to know some ways to do it with as much specifics as possible.