Hey all. It's been a while since I've been in here. The anxiety and depression has gotten a lot worse. I'm trying to practice what I know of CBT, but the physical symptoms of feeling like my nerves are on fire, hot and cold sweats, trouble sleeping and eating, almost always cold. Those things make it very hard to focus. I went to the doctor and I'm on Celexa now. It's going to take awhile to work I guess. He wants to see me in about a week and half.
I think it's the waiting that's freaking me out. Waiting for the house to sell, waiting for my marks to come back from the exam, waiting for things to pick up at work. I've done just about all I can with the house. I have some more cleaning and sorting of things to do. I'm having a garage sale this coming weekend. It was overwhelming to think about, so I asked a neighbour for some help. They're going to help with the yard sale. Doing work makes me break into cold sweats and I get very shaky and feel like I'm going to pass out. Then I sit for a bit and it lightly subsides for literally a second, then it's back again.
I try going for walks, reading, it doesn't help any. Is there a medication that can tone the anxiety down? Just enough so that I can get my focus back and stop feeling like this all day every day? Maybe I need to throw myself into the program some more.
My greatest fear is that I'm going to lose my sweetie. We were talking about the house selling (or not selling as the case may be) and that I was afraid if it takes too long, we might not be able to get refinanced. I feared that we might lose the house, and then the back would go after our new house and we'd lose that too. (I learned that's not the case later.)I asked her to think about coming back here. She said there was no way. It made me feel like an option to her. The conversation ended with her saying she couldn't do this right now and I was putting too much pressure on her.
We talked the next day. She seemed more positive and so did I. She said that we could rent the house out and I could sell a bunch of stuff and my truck and get down there. Maybe I can get a job in a camp up north and fly home to her on the weeks off. But she made it quite clear that she won't be coming back here. She said she'd be waiting for me there when I get there. That was yesterday. I haven't heard from her today. Apparently she has a meeting tonight, so I probably won't hear from her today. I'm freaking out.
I think I may need to get back into therapy as well. I don't know if I can afford it though.
I wish you great confidence for your exams (luck has nothing to do with it) ! 
