Kitcat, You have got to feel like your on top of the world. Praise yourself, be so proud. What I have found is that there are so many people who struggle with this, people who you would not imagine. My Dr. does. I have been talking with clients and met so many who have it too. But they would have never guessed I struggled, and vice-versa. Sometimes if you let people know what you are going through and explain what we face everyday, it will almost set you free. When I talked more about it, I felt like this deep dark secret was released and I could be myself. I was spending my life TRYING so hard to be perfect, and when I stopped trying and was just me, things fell into place. I'm just me!!! I like me so much better than MS.Perfect. My relationships are better all the way around. You go and be selfish, thats okay. Take care of yourself first and foremost! It feels weird because you have always put others first. You have finaly figured it out. Love yourself, Embrace the fear, S

Thanks dCheryl Yes, he's very supportive..we've both been through some tough times together..and I have supported him. Aside from you guys here, I doubt I could share my situation with anyone but him. I think people think it's silly or somehow controllable...we WISH. I will say I had an equally panic free commute home..and I can't believe how all day I felt soooo relaxed. On my lunch break I drove across the street and just sat in my car, almost fell asleep. It's interesting I've read here about *yawning* and how it's perceived it's the body's desire for more oxygen, because we are all so close to hyperventilating all the time. What I experienced today, was relaxation to the point, that I was constantly yawning..NOT because I felt tense...hmmm...how do I explain this..my body felt today like it was coming down from an andrenalyn high, so to speak. Like I had been up for days, or something similar and I finally could relax. Does that make sense? For a few seconds before I started home tonight, I toyed with the idea of risking the freeway, but didn't. Instead on my way home, because this is less stressful, I thought that when I get back to being able to drive the freeway, sometimes I want to take my alternate route just cause it's more enjoyable. And another odd thing I've noticed, is that I seem (LOL...at least for 2 commutes now) to be less in a rush, even though I could have rushed...I mean I felt confident enough..instead I chose NOT to pass the bus in front of me...and I think instinctively I am more tolerant and generous towards other drivers. Wow when something gets taken away that you take for granted and then suddenly realize what a treasure it was, it gives you an entirely different perspective! Does that make sense? Again it's such a humbling experience. At various times in my life, I have reached out to help others. Even a gal at work has been asking for my support and it's hard, because I am so needy as well. But lately I've been more selfish...and I think if I can conquer this DEMON, I'd like to continue to support others. The stories I read of others with agoraphobia, etc breaks my heart. I think I have it BAD...I feel ashamed when I read their heartbreaking stories about their trying to bring up kids in that sort of environment

My thoughts are with you. And by the way....I think its great that your guy is so supportive.

I agree dCheryl, it would be EASIER....with the b/f On the weekends here, at least during the day, traffic is heavier...so that would be a challenge. However to more realistically duplicat the environment in which I freaked, it'd be equally challenging to go at night...the traffic would be less, which is what I experience on my normal, just pre-daylight commute. If it's raining.........well I'll still push myself! The b/f is intuitive enough that if he thinks I am going completely freak, he'll step me through the easiest and safest way to get off the freeway. I'm hoping that my commute home tonight and then the two that I'll do tomorrow, will help to build confidence!..Keep your fingers crossed and THANKS for your input. :)

I think that as long as someone (b/f) is with you it will be easier for you to try it...as opposed to trying it by yourself. (and I'm not saying its going to be easy...just easier). Is there less traffic up there on the weekends or maybe on the weekends in the evening? Since this is where your major fear is (you said driving around town is no problem) then this is the fear you need to conquer. If you don't think you are ready, don't push yourself. I'm just saying don't get yourself worked up before it even happens. Cheryl (who sometimes she wishes she could take her own advice...lol!)

Ok dCheryl I hear what you're saying.... I mean, if I just drove around town, that wouldn't be a challenge really........so......... do I just try to drive the route I have been driving or........attempt the freeway again? I think attempting the freeway may be premature? AND doing it in the rain, to boot? Is that a realistic expectation? Be honest, OK!!! Thanks! :)

Funny DPW, when I used to drive in snow, I absolutely hated it. 3 yrs in Colorado, I manged to almost never drive the freeways. My car, in the rain...sometimes feels as though it's slipping...anyway I tend to drive much more slowly in the rain, as well as my visibility is decreased. I remembered this song I used to listen to all the time about fear...it's by Sarah McLachlan "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy " (Isn't that what we all are doing...or trying to do? LOL Thought I'd share the lyrics..maybe someone will like the song as much as I do...) All the fear has left me now I'm not frightened anymore It's my heart that pounds beneath my flesh it's my mouth that pushes out this breath and if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love and if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love Companion to our demons they will dance, and we will play With chairs, candles, and cloth making darkness in the day It will be easy to look in or out upstream or down without a thought and if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love and if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love Peace in the struggle to find peace comfort on the way to comfort and if I shed a tear I won't cage it I won't fear love and if I feel a rage I won't deny it I won't fear love I won't fear love I won't fear love... ;)

Oh Kitcat? Sounds like you are already thinking of excuses not to go. Rain or no rain. THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS GIRL! If you start thinking of bad things or reasons not to go, chances are you won't go. You can do it! DPW...the cell phone is a great idea. Its the only reason I own one! Cheryl

Shannon68, Thanks for your support. I'll give all the ideas a try. Have a PANIC Free Day :)

kitcat & dcheryl Thanks for the support. It feels good to have others who can relate. I don't have anyone else to go with me, but I'm going to ask a friend if she'll stay on the cell phone with me. Kitcat, when the weather is bad I always get in tune with my truck or car. I think about the power it has and the way the tires can hold the road when wet. In my case we get a lot of snow here and I always get excited to test my and my vehicles skills. Wierd uh that differnt sceniors make us react differntly. I have that expiernce of sitting in traffic and releazing that I feel no panic at all, but it's been a long time. I am determined to get that back. Let you know how I made out. Hopefully I will be doing a lot of back patting on the way home. Funny I'm not nervious about driving home. Thanks again all of you. :confuse: