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for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Hey Barbara, Please don't ever think you'd contaminate anyone or anything of that sort. We're all here to support one another. Isn't that the whole point of this site? If you don't feel like posting but want to just talk or whatever you need, you're always welcome to email me. I'm still having my ups and downs. Some days I'm feeling somewhat normal. Other days, I just want to sleep all day and just hope I won't wake up. But no matter what, as bad as I feel at times, I know God is with me. And He's taking care of me. It's just a matter of how much and how hard I'd fight for it. The devil is always on the prowl. ^_^ Keep fight Barbara, don't let the devil win. My trip was.. not what I expected. I think I was feeling worse when I was there. Seeing things I didn't want to see. Don't get me wrong. I was really happy to see my friends and making new ones as well. I wasn't exactly home sick. But I didn't really want to be there either. Does that make any sense? haha.. Anyway, it was an interesting experience. And I'm trying harder to make changes in my life which I think would benefit me and only me. I was always so concerned about what others wanted and felt obligated to do so even if it meant hurting myself emotionally. Now I'm slowly trying do things so that I'd put myself first. Cassy is doing great! I call him Cassy which is short of Casanova. hehe... I think getting Cassy was a really good decision. It's weird and probably hard for some people to understand but having Cassy somehow comforts me. He's getting spoiled though. Will only eat expensive food. haha... And I think he recognizes me. He comes to me when I show my face around the bowl and kind of follows me around when I move to get a better look at his fins. Look.. I've babbled on and on again. ^_^ Anyway, it's really great hearing from you again Barbara. And again.. Please don't EVER feel like you'll bring any of us down or any of that sort!!!! Now only if we'd hear from Kitn.. -_-; I hope she's doing ok.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Dear Carry: I'm sorry to have worried you. It's just that I feel so empty inside and I don't want to contaminate anyone. I have been thinking about you and wondered about your trip and fish. By the way, I have a cat. Did you come back with some happy memories? Make new friends?

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Hey girls... I haven't heard from you guys in quite a while which is starting to worry me. I know you're both really busy and all. But I hope both of you will take couple minutes to drop me a line and let me know how you guys are doing.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara/Kitn; Hey guys.. I know you're both very busy and all. Just wanted to check up and see how you guys are doing. Barbara, after your last post, I haven't heard from you. I was just worried. Please let me/us know how you are doing. And Kitn, I hope things are well with your husband. Or as well as things can be. By the way, I finally got my fish last night. I named him casanova. ^_^

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara, Geeze... I can't think of anything helpfull to say to you. You seem to be suffering so much. I'm getting little panic/anxeity attacks throughout the day as well. I try to quickly divert my attention to something else so I won't dewell on what just happened. It's not easy but I think I'm starting to be in little bit more control of things. What do you think would happen if you got a pet like a goldfish like me? You think you'll just not take care of it and let it die? Sometimes I feel like my problems are taking over my life by being absorbed into it mentally. Like I said, I'm getting this fish to divert my attention from myself along with my problems. If you don't already have a pet, you want to try this little experiement with me with a fish? I know you're tired and just want to give up. But you can't because you're too important. And again, please feel free to email me whenever you want. I check my email several times daily so I'll promptly respond.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Carry: I think it's a good idea to find something to take care of. I wish I had the ambition. I had another panic attack this morning & I'm recovering from that.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara, I'm really sorry to hear you've been having such a hard time. It's just so much harder when the help you get doesn't seem to do anything for you. Actually, that can make things seem even worse. I know what you mean about sleeping. That's one of the ways I escape from all my problems. Thinking, "I just need a short break from all this and I'll be better." Sometimes it works.. Sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes it just makes me feel like I'm trapped in some black hole which I can't get out of. So much pain built up already and keep adding on. I feel fine one minute. Then all of the sudden, I want to just end everything. Oh what a world we live in. I know this is quite off the subject but I decided to get a Betta fish for a pet. I don't know why I'm sharing this. I think... I just want to take care of something else. Something that would be dependant on me. That way, I can shift my focus on something else other then myself along with my problems from time to time. Is this just another way of me trying to avoid my problems? Umm.. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense. Barbara... I don't understand exactly how much and what kind pain you're feeling. But everyone here is feeling some kind of pain and hopelessness. We know how much it hurts. I wish there was some kind of spell or pill we can make to make all this stuff go away. But all we can do is be here for you. We'll always be here for you. It's not much. But I hope you can take some comfort in that. I'll post my personal email here so if you ever want to reach me, please do so. It's amore_75@hotmail.com May God heal all your wounds.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Carry/Kitn: I haven't been doing too well. I feel constant fear & I'm not sure how much longer I can deal with it. My therapist doesn't seem to understand, or maybe I'm not clear enough. I can't seem to do the most mundane things. I can't even figure what to make for dinner. When that happens all I want to do is sleep. But since I can't I just sit there and rock back and forth. I can't stand this.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara/Kitn; Hi!!! I'm back in the States! I got back last Thursday morning. Unfortantly, I brought back a nasty cold with me. I'm alot better now but it seems to be taking a while for me to get over this cold. I'm still struggling daily with my depression. Sometimes I felt as if I'm sinking quickly and start panicing. Thankfully, I was able to control it enough so that it didn't show too much and no one around me noticed. There were few times where my friends kept asking me if I was ok because I "seemed" to be in a "bad mood". I was actually fighting off the panic/anxeity attacks that took place at the moment. This trip didn't exactly go as I planned and hoped. But I did realize few things and as I reflect my time there, I have a feeling I'll discover alot more about things I have overlooked. I'm babbling again. ^_^ I hope you two are well. Please let me know how you guys are doing. I'll be waiting to hear from you guys!

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Dear Sandee: I am left handed as well as P.T.S.D. I've also been diagnosed w/learning disabilities in addition to O.C.D. It's weird knowing there's someone else like me out there. My doctor wants to put me on Ridolin.(sp) I'm not sure which way to go. I can't seem to be able to make any decisions and my anxiety has increased over the past few days.

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