Here is more of Josie's response on anger in quitting. Not sure if it's the whole post, but at least more of it.
Afraid to turn into a bear when quitting? Maybe you've quit and it's already happened? Explosive, quick to anger over little things? Unexpected outbursts? You are not alone, but rather one of many.
What happens?
People in recovery do have ups and downs, and sometimes more downs than ups unless they adopt new ways of coping, none of which happen overnight. We keep saying that quitting is a process. Anger may play an unexpected role for you in this process, and better coping skills need to be developed to deal with this also.
When many smokers and dippers quit, they go through changes that require some unmasking. Take anger, for instance: As nicotine addicts, we might have swallowed our anger, or lit up/chewed rather than make a scene when something really irked us. It might have been easier and less stressful than engaging in confrontation about some problem. I'm confident that most smokers and dippers who were "put in their place" can remember exhaling the smoke slowly at some time or other to decompress. They puffed or chewed away for dear life rather than say their piece and end up getting fired from a much-needed job, to offer one example, or be in an in-laws bad books forever, to name another.
In such anger, a nicotine fix became the crutch, the comforter and the savior of sorts, and quite a coping mechanism! (Or so we thought anyway.) Get my drift?
With the giving up (and loss from our lives) of that lifelong 'all-round friend' the cigarette, we literally go through mourning with all its stages, including the stage of sadness and anger. Quitting is a major loss, both physically and psychologically, and in addiction, a quitter will naturally mourn that loss for a little while, until they freely accept the quit and adopt it, just letting go of smoking or chewing.
But besides that mourning, there are also things that can naturally trigger an angry response in a quitter: For instance, typical little things such as finding an empty roll on the toilet paper dispenser, discovering someone's dirty laundry on the floor, coming across dirty dishes in another part of the house, etc., all could NOW send a quitter into that angry zone. When you smoked you might have lit up and maybe said nothing in those situations, maybe even allowed yourself a sigh of exasperation. Now, however, it could send you in a real tailspin. It's demoralizing if you turn into an ogre and don't know how to deal with it.
If so, realize that in this situation, you are resorting to anger in response to a small trigger. You are coping with an irritant by getting angry. Something isn't right here, correct?
Without a nicotine fix, the next irritant to come along might be added to the mental stack of current irritants, until the quitter either learns to deal with them in a new way, or has an outburst.
Dysfunctional anger management? Inadequate communication habits? Quitting is a learning process. In smoking days, some of the time we lit up to cope, and that particular coping avenue is gone now. We have to find other ways.
The same irritants exist as before, but upon quitting, the coping mechanism of old is not there. Some quitters will lash out for a while until they learn what is happening to them and how to deal with it. While they are trying desperately to stay quit and focus their attention on dealing with cravings, they may not be aware right away of some of the other things happening to them.
Sudden anger is unpleasant and scary for the quitter, not to mention your loved ones, friends and co-workers. Quitters and family alike feel helpless for a little while, amazed (and maybe fearful) at what is happening, at how easy anger rises. It can take a couple of weeks and maybe one memorable outburst to really alert you to stop and take an inventory of sorts. As soon as you can, develop adequate strategies. It may take a while to get everything right, but everyone has to begin somewhere. Do not resort to smoking or chewing! There are ways to deal with it.
Gaining control over nicotine addiction involves recovery, which in turn involves self-discovery and self-appreciation, and it is a process of necessary change on many fronts, including how we deal with many things.
A quitter who is angry may realize he/she is stressed to begin with. He should try to reduce his stress level, to reduce the bigger things that normally would not make someone feel really angry about an empty paper dispenser. (Maybe annoyed, but angry?)
Accepting our own limitations and the limitations of others is part of the discovery to be made. We've actually begun. We understand smokers, we now have a soft spot for them, but don't want to be in their shoes any more, and may dislike being near them. We don't want to condemn them. After all we were once really in their shoes.
[B]My Milage:[/B]
[B]My Quit Date: [/B]3/22/2007
[B]Smoke-Free Days:[/B] 175
[B]Cigarettes Not Smoked:[/B] 7,000
[B]Amount Saved:[/B] $1,190.00
[B]Life Gained:[/B]
[B]Days:[/B] 24 [B]Hrs:[/B] 11 [B]Mins:[/B] 23 [B]Seconds:[/B] 7
