Em, I want to also encourage you to keep on talking. We like to listen! We learn from each other. You can give those of us who are depressed some valuable insight into what are loved ones may be going through. Also, maybe we can also help you.
I'm glad your day went okay today. There does seem to be many things running through our mind when we first realize the extent of the problem that we have. There are alot of could have, would have, should have's and the focus has to be not on the mistakes/issues of yesterday, but the more effective coping with today. I do agree that the benzo's are very helpful to me in controlling the anxiety associated with depression. I don't take them consistently - at one time I needed to - now I take them as needed. (well, actually with recent death of my father I am back to consistently, but working on it).
Indeed, when a family member becomes ill, the dynamics of the family change. Roles change and expectations change. This is difficult irregarless of the illness. As for becoming the "rock", take care of you, so that you can be there for the kids and your husband. I know I sound like a broken record.
Chronic pain is a stressful thing. Losing a job is very stressful and then his not seeing himself as the "rock" is stressful. I have to express concern about the addiction to percocet thing. I maybe overly sensitive to addiction, but it would seem to me that would be very difficult to contend with on top of the depression and other issues mentioned.
Em, I don't want to paint a bleak picture, but I know people who aren't able to go back to work, people who it takes several years, it took me two and some who just are able to jump back in there. It depends on too many factors to be able to predict. I do believe there is a therapeutic component to work, but I have not been able to maintain a job at the level of functioning I had prior to my depression. I am working toward that, but I'm not there yet!
Your husband, his psychiatrist, and his therapist will have to determine the best course of action in his recovery. Hopefully, they can work together to help expedite your husband's recovery. You don't say where you live, in terms of country, but in the US there are programs for people with disabilities (like depression) to assist them in returning to work, maintaining stability, etc. I am not sure about other countries but I'm sure there are some folks on here who do know.
. I need people to energize me and fill me with new ideas. I need to create and I work in accounting - the least creative job on the planet and possibly the moon
as well. So i chatter and talk and google and yahoo and all that stuff I should not do. But I usually feel great! 
