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for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you for you're replies. I called the new female therapist today and left a message, I realize its Friday so I probably will not get a call back till Monday or so I am hoping and praying she can help me. Its scary to start over with a new one but after eight months and people around me telling me he is not helping me is scary too, sitting there just letting me cry does not help me I dont want to talk about the past I want to go forward, he never takes notes or gives homework and makes some inappropriate comments about my condition, I feel I did give it a good fair shot for eight months, didnt I? Do you all agree?

I am so grateful the panic attacks have decreased but I foolishly thought when those decreased the depression, exhaustion and agorophobia would decrease, that has not happened and I am scared, those are bad things too, all I want to do is sleep sleep sleep and that is not even healthy I know, the blood needs to circulate and exercise is good, I manage to walk the dogs at night for 15 minutes but thats probably not enough is it normal to feel like your're body has been beat with a rubber hose? my husband says "you're fifty its old age its normal" but I do not agree I know other women older than me that look and feel healthy and vibrant and pretty, vibrant and pretty is probably gone but I would like to be healthy, I cannot even tolerate the sun and heat outside for more than 5 minutes, I need to get out of the house during the day but I become dizzy and sick from the heat and sun, why can I only go out at night? Sunny said its going to take time to feel better and I am holding on too that, should I take vitamins? I do not want anyone to think I am not grateful the panic's have decreased but this bone weary depressed feeling is almost just as bad, will this go away in time? I cannot take antidepressants so I have to deal with it naturally, I am trying to think positive and keep the negative thoughts away, but its hard when you feel so bad and I am afraid to go to the Doctor just yet, and truth be told it does not really help MD's dont really understand this disorder and I feel worse after going to the Doctor, I hate to hear after I ask "doctor what is wrong with me why do I feel so bad" and they say "I don't know" thats so depressing! Will this exhausted sick feeling ever stop? can I regain my life at my age? I feel like a thief came in and stold my life, does that make sense? I dont want to trade panic for depression, they are both SO bad I do not know which is worse?! Do other members feel like they are dying physically? Maybe I need more time, but so much has gone by already, I dont want to feel like I am dying everyday, I guess I just have to wait awhile and hope for the best. Thank you all for listening.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: Hugs is right. It's difficult navigating the healthcare system. I did go through that once before. Had a psychiatrist whom I did not like and didn't feel was helping, so sought a psychologist, at least they talk to you. The psychiatrist took forever to release my files (same hospital as the psychologist) and I had to call every week for about six wks. He still hadn't done anything so I wrote a letter to the patients complaints dept. (there's a long name for it, can't remember) but it worked. Within two wks. he passed my file on to the psychology dept. and I was put on a waiting list - took another few wks. but finally got someone. It was worth the wait, but talk about stressful. So I am PROUD of you for changing! While I was waiting to see the new psychologist I was able to talk to a distant family member who is a psychologist and she helped me during the wait. I did not see her professionally. We decided it may become awkward if and when we talked about family.

The doctor appts. can wait, I just thought it might ease your mind to know that everything was o.k. Sounds like you have a plan. You're moving forward. Good for you. Let us know how it goes.

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4027

Deb,

Good luck with the person. Finding help when you're not well, and then navigating heathcare systems is hard, but hope we can be your "emotional shock absorbers", as can other communities

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 12049

Debora,

Never apologize for being active about your progress! You are doing this your way, step by step. Keep posting and let us know how we can help!

Josie, Health Educator

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

I wanted to give a quick update, I called another Theapist before, she is a LMCH and a psycologist {I am spelling that wrong I know} I spoke to her associate and he said she is wonderful and does CBT and she is close to home and takes my insurance, so please wish me luck! She sounds good and I so need someone that is expertised in this, I hate like heck to let my other therapist go but after eight months of no improvement and all that time and co-pays I dont know what else to do? The fact of changing is scary to me, but so is almost nine months of no improvement, he never gives me homework and never returned calls to my nurse-practioner about me after months, my husband says he just wants the money and thats all, have I wasted all this time on the wrong one? I have not had good luck picking professional help so I am hoping and praying this one will help me, its so scary to have this go on and on and on......I know when it boils down to it you have to do the work yourself and I understand that, but right now I know I need help, cannot do it alone. I hope I dont pick wrong this time.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Hi, I would of wrote earlier today, this would of been one week that I would of had a full-blown attack, today came close, I woke up very weak and tired, I should mention I get very very broken up sleep, my husband gets up at 5:00 and even through he tries to be quiet I still hear him, then my son gets up an hour later, and since I dont sleep well at night I sleep during the day a lot which I know is not good, then the dogs bark and wake up and then I go to the bathroom 3or 4 times or more while I sleep not too mention bad dreams, I wake up exhausted! And then the achy tired weak feeling scares me, I was able to {so far} ward off the attack, I am just so sick and tired or being sick and tired, does that make sense? where's my energy?

I know Sunny I need to go to my MD, this is going to sound strange but I want to feel better before I go, I know that sounds crazy, last time I saw my MD last December I waited almost 3 hours to get in, he overbooks and I had to stand outside most of the time, I dont mind waiting a half hour or even an hour but his staff books like nine people at the same time! he is a good Doctor for the physical but does not understand panic and depression, and his staff was rude about my shakiness last time.

I SO need to go get a pap, mamogram, dentist, physical ect...... but before I go I must have the coping skills, the last two times I went for medical help was a disaster, I went for an eye exam and was so nervous I bolted out and regurgitated outside, I was mortified, and that was just an eye exam, then when I went for my ultrasound my pressure was so high they could not treat me for the doppler till it went down, and people get mad at me they dont want to deal with it and I dont blame them, just the thought of going to the dentist or giving blood makes me shake, What my hope is, is too get emotionally healthy then I can go to these appts, my friend cannot go with me right now because she fell down and is on a walker, and my husband just gets mad and drops me at the door and I hate to do it alone, plus I can only go out after the sun goes down and most places close at five pm, I go to urgent care in the evening if I really need too, I must get over fear of sunlight and daylight, why can I only leave my house at night? when I go out during the day I get dizzy and sick, I live in Florida and that does not help I know. Once I am stronger I will make these appts, but its no use now if I am so afraid I will run out and make a complete fool of myself, people are not very compasionate about this disorder they view me as weak and childish and cowardly, and that hurts, I am hoping light exercise, good diet, and this program will help me so I can leave my house again.

I think part of it is that I feel I look so terrible at least after dark noone will see me much, I do look bad, very pale and sick, and the heat and sun I cannot handle, I know that sounds terrible, I use to love the sun, swimming, tanning etc....now that the panic and depression came back I cant handle it and my husband wont put up with it, I know I have to work on getting a new therapist, its not working well and I cannot afford to pay him if he cannot help me that is making my husband mad too, he was supposed to be CBT and I do not see it, he just sits there and like grins at me and after eight months there should of been an improvement. I am sorry I am complaining and venting, please forgive me, as soon as I get more stable I will go to the Doctors but going out now and collasping from the sun and heat or making a fool of myself terrifies me, I just hope I can get better soon to take care of these things, I am sick of living in terror fear and depression! I really want out! and I hope I am capable of it.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Debora.

I have a friend who has CFS or believes so. I have seen her so depressed she could barely get out of bed. I am her reality check person and have been for around a year. She has the depression under control but it took medication and time along with medication adjustments. (down) Today she was going to a neighbours to help her with weed control on her property. Basically a lot of cutting and pulling. She does not nap during the day anymore. She will be 61 in a month or two.

CFS is hard to diagnose. Some say it is related to Fibro.

Oh and she is happy and shows no sign of depression or even sadness. Her anxiety is gone too as far as I can tell. I do not know if she does CBT but is aware of it.

You should as sunny suggests get a full medical to rule out anything physical. Then there would only be mental to deal with and we know that that can be dealt with.

RA and depression go hand in hand, Fibro probably does too.

Davit.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Debora: When's the last time you had a physical by a doctor. I know you say you're still nervous about going and would like to go with a friend, just wondering if you could get a physical and find out everything is o.k. that you could relax about those dark circles and the tiredness. I did feel that exhausted too. I had dark circles too and looked pasty. Yea I felt older than my years too at the time. That's why the exercise helped, but easy does it. Can't do it all in a wknd. or even a couple of wks. You will feel better in time. Your body will build up some strength again. Sounds like your walk of 15 min. a day is a good start! good for you. I'm proud of you. Keep up the good work. You are on the right path!

Sunny

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 542

Thank you Sunny and Vincenza for you're replies. I am so grateful and glad the panics have abated but I foolishly thought that I would physically feel better when they left, instead I am SO exhausted and achy, like when you are getting over the flu kind of feeling. I slept seven hours last night and all I want to do is sleep! I do get very broken up sleep, I go to the bathroom a lot and sometimes I wake up coughing or the dogs wake me but I should not feel like a ninety year old woman should I? I took my dogs for a fifteen minute walk last night and I came back feeling like ran five miles?! Even light housework makes me tired, I am scared I have CFS or that all those months of panic have hurt my body and something is terrribly wrong? Is this depressed exhausted feeling normal after months of panic's? I am fifty years old and no kid I just hope and pray I have not caused some irreversable damage to my organs and body, everyone feels tired but this bone crushing achy weariness is not normal or is it? will my body heal? Sunny has gave me excellent tips and advice on how to heal and I am trying to do that, but the lack of energy is scaring me, did any of the members get their panic's under control but then feel very tired and depressed? will that go away in time? I have such dark circles under my eyes I am so pale people comment on it and think I have some terrrible virus or disease! and that scares me, even make-up does not help in fact it makes me look garish.

They say panic never killed anyone so I am holding on to that fact, last time this happened at least I had some youth and not peri-menopause, I just want to crawl into bed and you cannot live in bed. Will this go away, I try to eat healthy, lean fish, chicken, pasta, rice, no sweets or sugar, lots of water, only one cup of coffee a day and a big glass of OJ a day, and I try to walk at least 10 or 15 minutes, is this normal to feel depressed and tired after months of panic and will I heal? I so much want just to feel normal again and look human, I look in the mirror and I look like a walking corpse and thats scary! I guess I should just be grateful the panic's kind of stopped and not complain and just hope this too will pass..... Thank you.

for 13 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1853

Goodmorning Deb,

Hope the sun is shining on you today and you are feeling better physically and emotionally.

I'm glad to hear you've noticed improvements in the last couple weeks!

What steps can you take to better trust yourself through this process? Rather than trying to 'avoid' panic & fear,

what are effective ways in which you can work through those emotions and learn from them? Not an easy process, but it sounds like you are working through the program and CBT is very helpful!

Thinking of you, Vincenza, Health Educator

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