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negativity at home

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Sunhot,

It's great that you are secure enough to tell your story as clearly that has helped you! Good for you. That means you are also serving as a role model for someone who might not have the same confidence. A win-win situation when you give and receive help all at once!

Keep up the good work!

Tiana, Health Educator

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 58

hey loves trees, thank you

i spent a lot of my life in wonderland lol never had a care in the world, no physical or mental health problems, this last year or so has been a wake up call, but ive been really open with the problems I've had, everybody knows and i am not ashamed at all. this has helped because so many people who have /suffered in the past step forward and offer advise and support and it forces me to take only positive action because everybody is on my back to get better lol

Sunny II

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 356

Sunny II,

You have a lot of good insight into your needs. That is really important for this program - and life in general!

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 58

hey everybody , thank you all for your support. this website is totally rad

in a sense ive been quite lucky, imy parents have supported me financially through school, i only took out half the student loans and they paid the rest and i have freedom to go out and do what ever i want. but unlike most ppl in my culture i dont need these things to be happy, i just want someone to say well done or give me a hug without me being in a hospital. for example when i graduated from electrical engineering, all i got was 'about time' and 'you should have got a better mark' instead of 'congratulations on passing a program that has a 65% dropout rate'.

@ debi, i have post it notes all over my room and car with positive affirmations, in fact i was out with my sister and her friends tonight, they all love the fact i play music,

@ sunny I, i need to finish a couple of certificate course, should take about 4 months. i promise i wont slack

@ davit. your apples and oranges analogy is brilliant, i might use it (i have a CBT group therapy once a week), with some careful planning i could definetely move out aand be self sufficient

@ loves trees i think my parents tried their hardest, i do believe that they are providing more then they ever got so that is good, im sure if i have children i will provide the most i can but it still wont be enough, i do try and have as much fun and laughter in my life as possible, which is why i am soooo rateful for my (small) circle of frirnds

@ juanita i do have people i can talk to, friends, etended family, i have a therapist and do group therapy. and i know i always have you guys!!

You people are wonderful!!!!!

Sunny II

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 653

Hi Sunhot,

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry about your situation but glad that you have a few supportive folks in your life, (your 'chosen family!') and that you have us! You sound very responsible, intelligent, insightful, and passionate- not terms that would generally apply to a loser! There is some great advice here for you- I hope it helps.

We are here for you!

Tiana, Health Educator

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 538

Hi Sunhot,
Too bad we can't choose our parents eh?

I too had a vey difficult upbringing, especially during my teen years. I , like the other Sunny, used to hole up in my room.

I was the youngest of six, 3 boys and 3 girls...just like that old show the Brady bunch... my family was nothing like that, . my parents were very angry people with little or no time for the last of their kids. I tell you this just to reinforce the fact that you are not alone...it may suck right now...but life will get better for you ....as soon as you can make your own way you will see. I remember kissing, yes, I actually got down and kissed the floor of my first apartment at 19 . And from there life turned around for me and it will for you too. Remember, you deserve it!

Are you getting any therapy now? Do you have someone who you can openly talk with about your family? Dont ever worry about ranting here...we are all understanding people , and only want the best for eachother.

Take care

Juanita

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 356

Hi Sunhot,

I grew up in a negative house (not a home in the way I would define "home").

Whether you are able to move out right away or not, you will be able to continue thinking more and more positively about yourself. Yes it is hard to have negative parents but even if you have to live there a bit longer , all is not lost. I agree with Davit it is an apple world out there and it is expensive so you want to explore options for how to pay the bills, i.e. are there any options for roomates for example.

Being able to see your parents for who they are is a really important step.

This reminds me of a quote I saw the other day "it is never too late to have a happy childhood" which I interpret to mean that if we had a crappy childhood, when we are adults we can reclaim some of our birth right in being happy and joyful, its never too late to experience happiness and joy that was supposed to be during childhood but for many of us was not.

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6252

Sunhot.

There is a thing called attachment theory. It basically says that you are the way you are because of how you were treated in the first 11 months. But what it also says is that your parents are the way they are and that the way they treat you is because of how they were treated. It also says that it takes three generations to break the cycle. That is if you want it broken and try hard. What you listen to, how you dress, and to some extent how you act are not you. Being considerate, compassionate and how you treat others dictates if you are a loser. Even a drug addict is not a loser, he is a sick person. When he becomes a thief or pusher to support his habit then he becomes a loser. I have this apples and oranges thing.

Oranges are confident, intelligent people that know who they are and are happy with who they are. You need one other thing to be an orange. And that is that you can not use or abuse others. Every one else is an apple. (sort of rhymes with something a lot of people are.) Some times you have to be an apple to deal with apples, but it doesn't mean you can not still be an orange. This is like having two personalities except that you know it. You can be yourself on the inside, (an orange) yet compromise to fit in on the outside. (an apple) Use your knowledge that you are who you are and that you are happy with it to keep your sanity. Use your ability to move in and out of the world of apples to keep every one else happy.

Do you think you could move out and survive realistically. It is an apple world out there, you will likely have to make some major changes to do it. The upside is you will be able to be who you want to be some of the time. The down side is most of the time you have to be some one you are not to pay the bills. Thus said I would say if you think you can do it then do it. Just remember the reason you are doing it when it gets tough. You might also be able to help your sister and helping some one is a very good reason to do something.

Remember too that you are not alone, you have friends here.

Here for you.

Davit

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1665

Hi Sunhot: Sorry to hear what you are going through. Unfortunately this happens to many children, teens. Not all parents are the loving, respectful, nurturing people children need. I came from a dysfunctional family - and by the way all families are dysfunctional to a degree, there is no perfection. It's just that some families are much more dysfunctional than others. I don't know if this will help or not but I remember staying in my room sketching or reading. I remember thinking I just had to be patient until I finished school and studies and could be on my own. Then, I would make my own choices and have some freedom from family stresses/anxiety. Do your best to finish up schooling - no slacking - so you'll be able to take care of yourself. Prepare yourself for your future.

Your friend, Sunny

for 14 år siden 0 +0 / -0 152

Sunny,

What can i say, its difficult to try and stay positive in a negative situation, i am in a similar situation myself with my husband, and i can see that you feel a hurt by your parents reactions to the things you love and that make you happy.

you are not an idiot every one loves different things thats what makes us all unique (personaly if my daughter came home with drums i would be pushing her out of the way to have a bash lol) i think you should list some positive statements about you that you love and that make you special, and build them in your mind, when your parents say negative things to you , try and think of the positive things you wrote and just block out the negative, thats what i try to do, if my husband says something negative i just say to myself i am a great person with lots to offer and you are an ass hehe.

your friend Debi

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negativity at home