Hiya Lil_bit, your post really moved me. I have had periods like the one you are having sometimes just a day sometimes for much much longer. But I want to assure you that it won't always be like this. Yes, I have been dealing with this for over 15 years. But I had had some good runs and some great periods. Plus, it seems even in the relapses things are different. It is like everytime I know myself better and I get back up faster and easier. I know some days it is hard to keep going and you just feel like quitting. Trust me I have been there. But I want to assure you that if you keep working at this it will get better! Every small victory you get over this whether it is just driving a bit farther then usual or what not really is a step in regaining your life and yourself. Hang in there and keep working at it and it will get better. I know right now it is hard to believe but remember this too shall pass!Be patient with yourself and kind to yourself, you deserve it. My heart goes out to you. -Diva

Hi Lil_bit, Thanks for sharing these thoughts here. Don't apologize for the long post, that is why we are all here. Feel free to share your feelings anytime, fellow members truly understand this disorder. You mentioned CBT in your post which is great! This is part of our online program also. Remember that thoughts and behaviors can be tested and challenged. The most important rule of this work is to try - in CBT you learn by trying. Keep us posted on your progress, Casey ________________________________________ The Panic Center Support Team

I've been doing much better getting out of the house lately, that's why I haven't really been around much lately. But I can't seem to get a job...I've put resumes in at several places, and honestly I'm hoping they don't call back. I went to one place, took my resume and they asked if I had a few minutes to fill out an application and listen in on what they do. I said sure, then about ten minutes in, I freaked, made up an excuse why I had to leave, and never went back. My mom is starting to get to the point where she's really harping on me to get a job, I think she thinks it will help, but even thinking about work freaks me out. I've tried to find telecommuting jobs online, but I don't trust any of that. I don't know what to do anymore...I've been trying to keep myself busy with all my hobbies, but I'm really starting to get antsy. I WANT MY LIFE BACK, and I'm starting to get kind of depressed. I've been working through the program, but I'm at a point where I feel like I just don't care anymore, like this will never change. I know there will be people that are going to reply to this and tell me to look at the things I have accomplished and be proud, but I can't help thinking "Is this it? Is this how my life is going to be forever?" I started seeing a new doctor and he ordered tests to see if I have a thyroid disorder, and as glad as I would be to find out that's the cause of all my problems, what if it's not? Then what? I just want to be me again...I've already lost the last two years of my life, how many more am I going to lose? I'm trying to find a CBT therapist in my area, but they don't seem to be separated in anyway in the phone book, so it's been hard. I stopped seeing my other therapist, because quite honestly, she was making things worse instead of helping, plus I could never get ahold of her if there was a problem or emergency. I wish there was some sort of intesive therapy program I could get into...where every waking day there would be someone there to help, answer questions, give me guidance. Don't get me wrong, I love this site and all you guys, but I need someone to kick my butt I think, someone to push me to panic so I can overcome it, because on my own...it's just not happening. I can drive to my grandparents house