Hi everyone,
I haven't written in a while, been dealing with so much at home. Don't know if some of you remember, but I've been dealing with my partner. She has seizures and she is also facing brain surgery.
Well.........This morning, at 5am, she left to go to the hospital for a week. She has to stay there and be monitored while she has at least 3 seizures.
Now I have been prepared for this for a while, or at least I thought I was. Well here it is the FIRST night without her and I'm completely breaking down. I am freaking out! And I can't show it, I have my 5 year old to take care of. My partner and I have never been apart this long in over 26 years.
And I think it wouldn't be so bad, but she's 71 miles away from me. It's not like I can jump in the car and see her. We've talked on the phone once, and she sounds so pathetic. She wants to come home so bad, but she knows she can't. And they also said it may take longer than a week. The longest anyone has stayed was for 18 days. If she stays for 18 days I'm going to be a worse basket case than I already am!
I know part of it is my "caregiving" mode. I've been taking care of her for years and now my hands are tied. I also know I should be looking at it as a break for me, to actually get to do something for ME! But I can't. I can't imagine doing anything for ME when I'm afraid of my own shadow.
I haven't eaten in two days, I'm shaking like a leaf. My heart is racing out of my chest, my eyes are blurry and I definately spacey. I'm jumping at every noise. I hate it!
I'm trying to be so cool for my daughter, but inside I'm screaming!
Thanks for letting me vent!
Lorie
