Why does his affliction happen out of the blue, I don't have PTSD and, nothing that bad happened to me in the past that I suppressed. this is almost not fare most of us are only a shadow of what we used to be, an if I was younger maybe it wouldn't bother me as much but I am 31 (not old) but I still want to have fun like I used to. all I worry about is dying! something we all have to do. I am afraid that I am going to be 90 years old in a hospital bed on the last days of my life and I'll be so mad at my self because I wasted my life worrying about dying, I think this is ironic. all the meds, paxil, paxil cr, Zoloft, lexapro never worked I am not depressed I have anxiety for the past two years. maybe it is that I hate where I live, and my marriage is far but good and I no longer have the financial means to get out of those situations. yesterday was horrible, I woke up and I just knew I was in for it all day, chest tight, arms and legs feel weak and burning, distant from everyone and everything, I had to leave work and call so many doctors until I got prescribed a lousy 8 xanax, which will not last. I hate this and what it has done to my life. I am not boasting but I am a fairly good looking guy and always had fun, now I am a bird with his head in the sand with no self-esteem. I need a way out of this misery. all I do is go to work and watch TV while my life passes me by, there has to be a way over this completely! there has to be. I am sick of the heart test, echocardiograms, ekgs, x ray, blood work, and the er visits I am sick of it all, I just want my life back before the is no living left. I miss my coffee, my caffeine, I miss being social, I miss being in shape, I miss being social, I miss being happy, I don't want to think about my heart every second of the day.
can over 12 ER doctors be wrong? can my cardiologist be wrong? can my GP doctor be wrong? can the x-ray and all the eKGs and the stress test be wrong?
this just sucks. this is not a life it is not even a likeness of life.
