Members,
Individuals seeking support just want to feel heard. Showing another member that you are listening (or reading) can be difficult over the internet. Here are some basic listening skills you can apply in the forums:
Paraphrasing: Paraphrasing is when you repeat what the (other) member has said.
• You are not parroting, which is copying what the member said exactly; you are repeating what is said in your own words, i.e. what you understood the member to say.
• This technique conveys understanding, interest and empathy.
• A few ways to start a paraphrase: “So you are saying that…” or “I have heard you say that…”
Open Ended Questions: Questions that require more than a one word answer.
• Avoid “Why” questions as it implies blame and could make the member become defensive.
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Try using How, What, When, and Who questions, i.e.
“How did you reward yourself?”
Summarizing: Summarize what the member has said and what has been discussed.
• Summarizing clarifies what has already been discussed and allows members to reflect.
• For example, “You mentioned numerous things about your current situation, such as arguments at home and the anger you feel. You spoke of having no motivation to do some of the things you used to enjoy. What are some steps you can take to start doing some of the things you once enjoyed? “
Elaboration: To promote more discussion and to clarify further, ask for elaboration.
• Try to avoid discussing broad generalizations.
• Ask them to give you examples.
• For example, ask questions like “Tell me more” or “Please explain further.”
