Dear Roberta...I feel very sorry for you...I feel your pain. You have an illness, and what ever you have tried has not worked much. For me some things get better and other things get worse from time to time. Your doctor is not helping you, maybe you need a new one, or different medications or something...because what you are doing right now is not working! If you try this site it may pinpoint some of your thoughts that lead to your condition, which may help you to get through life better, but please give it a try. I am now finished the program, and I have not had any panic for over one month. But I still get a little anxious from time to time. Now my depression is coming more into focus. But I will try to battle that too. I do believe in God too, a loving God who cares about us. But he has a plan, and until it is accomplished, we will have to continue to suffer the effects of mankind's imperfections. I know you feel even worse thinking that you are displeasing God, but he understands you have an illness, so he understands everything. When I was a teen, my love for God and thought of displeasing him is what kept me alive...maybe it's the same for you. Keep thinking about how you are pleasing him to just keep going and staying alive, to be able to help others in the future and get your life back...When I am on medications that help, I can do more with my life, and serve God better. So I keep trying to fight the fight. Please tell your doctor whatever you are doing is not working and you want to change. Or else see another doctor. It is a sickness, just like a broken leg, or cancer, or diabetes; sometimes this kind of illness also has physical components which need to be looked after, such as Thyroiditis, which I also have, or other illnesses combined with the anxiety. So please get checked out more....take care...

HELLO, I AM NEW TO THIS GROUP. I TOOK THE ANXIETY TEST BUT I HAVE ALSO BEEN SEEING A DOCTOR FOR OVER TWO YEARS AND I WAS JUST WONDERING IF ANY OF THIS REALLY DOES HELP. IT JUST DOESN'T CHANGE FOR ME AT ALL. I TAKE MEDICATIONS BUT I STILL CAN'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT GETTING SICK AND THROWING UP. I CAN'T EVEN SEE MY OWN FAMILY OR ANYONE ELSE. I CRINGE IF I THINK SOMEONE HAS PULLED INTO MY YARD. I HAVE A HUSBAND OF 33 YEARS AND I KNOW THIS IS GETTING HIM DOWN. I FEEL YUCKY. I KNOW IN MY HEAD THAT I SHOULD BE NORMAL BUT IT IS LIKE MY BODY JUST TAKES OVER. I CAN'T DRIVE ANYMORE BECAUSE I GET SO NERVOUS I CAN'T THINK OR SEE. EVERYTHING IS GETTING SO BAD. I HAVE LET DOWN EVERYONE I KNOW AND I KNOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PITTY THING BUT I REALLY HAVE. WHEN I WAKE UP IN THE MORNING I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANOTHER DAY. I DO BELIEVE IN GOD AND THAT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE THAT I CAN'T STRAIGHTEN UP. YES, I WOULD LOVE NOT TO BE HERE BUT MY STEP SON SHOT HIMSELF TWO YEARS AGO AND I SAW WHAT THAT DID TO THE FAMILY AND ALSO THERE IS GOD. I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM SUPPOSE TO DO. I AM SO TIRED. MY FRIENDS THINK I HATE THEM AND SO DOES MY FAMILY BECAUSE I DON'T GO TO ANY FUNCTIONS. I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN HAD A LITTLE ANXIETY BUT NOW IT IS OUT OF CONTROL. IT JUST SEEMS TOO HARD TO EVER TURN INTO A REAL HUMAN AGAIN. I KNOW, POOR POOR ME. ANYWAY, IS THERE ANYONE THAT HAS FELT LIKE THIS AND FOUND A WAY OUT. I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS TO STOP. THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY MOOD. ROBERTA

Lisa, Thanks so much for that book! I think i will give it a go....yeah it is tough...I would love to enjoy meeting up with people and meeting new people more than i do now....and it is tough realising that all the answers are within US...and that nobody else is going to fix anything for us. I think perfectionism is definitely where it comes from. And always wanting to please others and be whatever they want us to be...whether it be a new person we meet or somebody who has actually "expected" stuff of us...like for you your coach. Never wanting to disappoint people to the point where we harm ourselves in the mean time. Its really interesting actually and it is something I want to understand more. For me...even as a child i felt "watched" even at home, when I was all alone...I would think thoughts like "imagine if so and so from school was looking at me now" etc etc to the point where I would feel all the anxiety that would go along with them actually seeing me....its so amazing how powerful our brains are. I definitely know that all my life through these varying thoughts I have perpetuated my condition. I have led my brain to believe that this level of anxiety is normal and the thoughts I have are ok. Thanks so much for replying to me...I feel like you truely understand my position and just talking about this now is making me realise so many things and gives me hope that I won't always be like this. I think its fantastic that you have moved ahead and I am going to try the same route!! Thanks Lisa! I hope you are having a great day also! Alex W

alexandra: i definately agree with you. I always think 'comfort first'. I don't enjoy public speaking and it's one of those things where if I had to do it, i would. I don't put myself into situations just so I can tackle my anxiety. I mean if we didn't have a little anxiety we wouldn't be human right? Life without adrenaline and excitement would be pretty boring. Unlike public speaking I do enjoy meeting new people... so it was great that I could tackle both public speaking and social phobia at one time. The book that I did my exercises out of is called "overcoming stage fright". i don't know the author off hand, but I can post the name if you can't find it. In answer to your question about what it is and where it came from... i really don't know. It's so different for everybody. For me, I knew that it had something to do with being in control and perfectionism. I had to explore why I thought now being perfect was wrong. I started there and sort of worked backwards. I found that alot of this lied in upbringing. I used to be a competitive figure skater and i was always pushed to 'win the gold'. THis message was loud and clear from both parents and my coaches. I had learnt that it wasn't the process of work, but the end result. What a shame. Wanting to always please others and win, win, win, taught me (unfortuneately) that being perfect was absolutley necessary. I ended up disliking skating and always felt 'watched' after my skating days were over at 17. "I hope I'm doing O.K. I hope this is good enough."- these thoughts controlled my days and actions. My perfectionism was just transferred from my skating to schoolwork and any other sports I did. It was tough to learn a new way to think. I really can't say what conquering social phobia would lead you to. I just knew that I wanted to understand. I also knew that nobody was going to fix it for me... and that was the toughest part. I suggest though that you tackle it with someone (like a therapist or close friend) Hope you're having a great day. talk to ya soon! Lisa N

Lisa, I have felt the same way. Always when I go out I feel like it is a performance, and I get all the anxiety that may come about from "performing " in front of a large crowd. Like being on stage in a play or something. And I feel like all eyes are on me and everybody is judging my every move. It really doesn't make much sense to me and is very frightening sometimes. Its funny, I appear on the outside to be friendly, and great in social situations most of the time, but on the inside I am dying and never ever enjoy myself socially. Which has lead to me not wanting to do a lot socially. When I start feeling this way with my oldest friends...it is really hard. When I have spoken to people about it( like friends, boyfriends)...I feel like they don't believe me, because I seem to hide what I am feeling rather well.... But one thing that has really helped me, is feeling ok with just doing what makes me comfortable in life. I have struggled on for so many years putting myself in incredibly uncomfortable situations...because I believed it was "normal" to be social.... going out after dreading something for weeks on end...feeling anxious about it day in and day out....ALWAYS though, it was never as bad as I made it out to be...however all the panic and feelings of dread leading up to it just isn't worth it. Now I try to just go out when I feel up to it and stay home when I don't and I really really try not to beat myself up because I am some kind of loser who can't be social. I think I will definitely look into the stage fright books, sounds like a great idea. Do you know what it is, and where it came from for us to believe we have to perform when we are "social"? I get so angry at myself sometimes for not just being able to relax and enjoy spending time with my friends. I know I am missing out on so many wonderful things in life because of this imense fear I have of social situations. And I have proved to myself that I can go through them, I always do...but I never ever enjoy it, I always suffer throughout the whole experience, believing everybody is judging me...but what is worse, is when it is over I almost collapse in a mess and judge myself also at how badly I "performed".

leela/ alexandra: i found that my anxiety had a huge impact on making new friends or going out in general. I always felt like I was performing and that my friendships weren't authentic. Over the past two years I have been working on stagefright. I started this work because I had to make a few presentations on anxiety and panic and (big surprise) I got anxious and panicky. The blushing was the worst. I worked with a group on stage fright and the most important thing I learned was that it was everywhere in my life- not just when I had to make a public speech. I realized that I had been placing myself 'on a stage' everyday and also in new social situations. This meant to me that I would be judged by others. To make a long story short the best thing I learned is that due to my perfectionism I would plan every detail out before I even went anywhere. I was so afraid of spontaneity because this means I lacked control of a situation. I learned to stop expecting myself to 'perform' and began viewing any social situation as simply 'sharing'. Even public speaking. I mean, who can judge you for sharing? It was my fear of being judged that made me nervous and panicky in social situations. When my brain started planning out every detail I would snap or pinch myself to get back on track. I would repeat over and over,"I'm just sharing, that's all." There's some really great books on stage fright that I found also worked for my panic as well. I hope this info is of some help.

Thanks Alexandra.I do feel good about being on my own, just rather worthless sometimes, haha. Thanks for replying to my post, I really appreciate it. Take care. ;)

Leela...oh yes...I remember the early twenties. Sometimes it feels like things are so hard and everybody is just out for themselves and nobody really cares about anyone else. It is really hard to make real friends, people who you want to open up with and who you can trust. But I also thing one of the most important things in life, is to not need anybody else. Just to feel good about being on your own...is an important step. I think society puts so much pressure on us to be "social" and always go out every friday and saturday night...that if you don't you feel like some kind of freak or something!! Well believe me....so many people don't fit into this "social stereotype" . So just be relaxed and ok with where you are at now is all I can say for you. because although it may not be there now...opportunities will come about where you will meet people who you like, if you are actively participating in stuff like sports, work etc etc.

WOW, I read this thread and I feel like I'm home, lol!!! I too am feeling down & unworthy and I don't feel I belong anywhere. I feel as though I give out so much and get nothing back! Sometimes I just write it off as the ol' "Society Sucks" thing, but then I think, 'why can't I make friends? I'm young with no baggage and little responsibility, it should be easy.' Still, it's like I don't have a place in this world. Oh the joy of early 20's. I hope you all are well and if anyone has some advice for me, I'd LOVE to hear it! Thanks for reading.

The sorry part about being older than 7, with baggage (husbands & kids) is that the friends you make are of a flimsy sort of material. I am speaking by my own experiences, but it's like "Sure we can do 'Girls Night Out'" once in a blue moon, but where is the friend you can stay up with all night just talking to, and exploring your feelings with? Ever just want to have a slumber party, look me up! I've been thinking about reconnecting with some long lost friends from high school. Just throw a slumber party at some hotel, do the fingernails, makeup, booze and snacks thing. But I just don't do it!!! Maybe I will make it a goal to build from!!