Day 2. Therapy was great and it was so great because [b]I[/b] made a list of things I wanted to ask about my recovery instead of anticipating and dwelling on possible answers. My therapist was impressed with my progress and is writing up a plan for me for next week. We are focussing more on CBT now and I am going to fully recover and live a fulfulling life because that is what I choose to do. I have some side effects from the Cipramil but I am seeing them for what they are (temporary) and keeping busy. I have my can of Whoopass Extra Gold on the ready for the night demon. Poor thing. Probably not expecting a butt kicking but hey, he started it. PS Mike.... my soothing sounds arrived today (from that website). HOORAY Had them delivered to hubby at his work so looking forward to hearing them when he gets home.

Day 1 of Cipramil. So far so good. I can sort of feel that there is a drug in my system and i was feeling a little frantic for a moment or two but I'm fine. I know what it is. I know I don't have to be afraid of it. I aven't even needed any Xanax yet today. I will take my normal pre evening Xanax and bedtime Xanax but I'm not freaking out which is a good sign. I went for a walk again today. I love walking in the winter sun. Looking forward to therapy tomorrow. :)

You go girl! :) When you go to the store remember not to get the Whoopass Lite, be sure to get the full strength stuff. I think its called Whoopass Extra Gold. Im rooting for you. Mike

Cipramil Take 2. Well its official. I sacked my psychiatrist because he didn't know what he was doing. Hooray for me. I'm now trying the cipramil again but starting on 1/2 a tablet until the side effects wear down and then increasing the dose slowly until I find I level that works for me. I'm doing this with guidance from my GP. She rocks. I am still seeing my therapist weekly and am going to make sure I have a clear direction for my recovery in my next session. Bring on the anxiety symptoms so I can knock 'em down with my sheer determination and dazzling logic. No longer taking **** from my panic. Who's running this show anyway? No more anger directed at me, its target practice time for kicking some panic disorder butt.

[quote] The music/nature sounds I had heard before looking at the website sound like B grade porn movie backround music in comparison. [/quote] LOL! I have so many clever quips but not knowing the nature of this board so well I will refrain. Thanks for the laugh! Great news on the sleep thing. Congrats! I am glad to have been of help with the CD site. It was the best I found after searching for quite some time. I expect my order today. Mike

Thanks for that website Mike. Its fantastic. The music/nature sounds I had heard before looking at the website sound like B grade porn movie backround music in comparison. Last night I slept. Hooray!!. All thanks to a herbal sleep aid and some rain on CD but sleep is sleep and I can handle my anxiety better when I'm not overtired. So today has been pretty good so far. No anxiety as yet and I haven't taken any Xanax. I'm looking forward to another great nights sleep tonight.

I actually found my discs at Target. Be sure to read the descriptions because some of them do have that music on them as well. Last night I found this site that seems to have pure nature sounds and you can sample some of the sound to see if it is to your liking. They quickly got 70 bucks from me :) Hope you find what you are looking for. [url=http://serenitysupply.com/browse_purenaturesounds_1.htm]Nature Sounds CDs[/url] Mike

Thanks for your suggestions Mike. Today I took my new CD walkman and headphones to work and for most of the day listened to classical music. It was good but I am interested in the CD's you talk about with nature sounds. The only ones I have been able to find have annoying music (sounds like a synthesiser and improvisation). If you can recommend any I would be really grateful. I am experiencing a weird sensation at the moment. I feel like I can't get enough oxygen and every now and then I get a shot of adrenaline from my body telling me it doesn't like it. The more I focus on my breathing the worse it seems to get. I used to be a smoker and it reminds me of the reduced lung capacity I used to have as a smoker. (I'm ultra body aware so it freaks me out when my body throws symptoms at me for no good reason). Anyway at lunch I had had enough of coping and took .25 Xanax and bought some cold lozengers that help to clear your nose. I was self talking the symptoms as a head cold to get myself through it. I've lived through many a head cold so I'll get through this too. I also bought some hospital formula protein drink for night times when I can't eat and walked home from two train stations away (about 35-40 minute walk). I think it is important for me to try to solve the problems my body throws at me on a daily basis. I then have something to come back with for the feelings of helplessness. The walking is to get rid of the nervous tension and it reminds me that sometimes your heart beats fast for a good reason. The protein drink doesn't really smell like food but tastes pretty good so I can handle it better. Just the smell of food when I'm anxious makes me gag. I have already lost about 20 pounds since April without trying mainly because of the times I can't bring myself to eat. I'm happy for the weight loss but not for the habits I'm forming. (last thing I need now is another disorder) I spoke to my Pyschiatrist about Xanax XR and he hasn't heard of it. He says it may not be available in Australia yet. I'm not sure what he is going to do about another med. Feeling nausea makes me panic. He said that most SSRI's make you feel nauseous so he is not sure what to do with me. My next appt with him is on 29 July so I'm sure he'll have something

Hello Adele, It seems like you and I are on some sort of parallel tracks. I am interested in the Xanax XR but....the standard Xanax (alprazolam) is available in the generic form and I can get 75 .5 tabs for under 2 bucks with my insurance plan. My bet would be that the new XR variety will need to wait the 7 year patent period to expire before a generic is available. Anyway, I find that a .5 Xanax is a necessary thing in the morning for me plain and simple. I dont even wait to see how I feel anymore I just take it along with my Effexor. I do this as soon as I get up (after my meditation). This makes the mornings almost normal for me. By mid afternoon I may need another but most often not. Then I take two at bedtime for a usual daily total of 1.5 mgs. My doc told me that was well below the "average" intake by most patients. She told me she knew of patients with severe symptoms taking 6mgs! That would put a cow to sleep...I dont know how you could even function on that dose. The Effexor (have you tried Effexor?) has all but eliminated the depression that I was feeling and with the adjustment of my diet (eating less at meals and having a healthy snack) I have continued to lose the weight I have been working on for a year. With the proper administration of the Xanax I have subdued the anxiety to the level of "merely annoying". Its nice to know I wont freak out. I read Lucinda's book from time to time (I have some sections highlighted) and I have also found Richard Carlson's [b]DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF[b] to be very helpful as well. Sometimes a dose of nature sounds on CD through some headphones is just the trick to calm me down. Maybe you could get a small CD player and some headphones for your desk and listen to some soothing rain, streams or woodland sounds to help you during the day whlie you type. I also see you posting your progress and setbacks daily. I know this has helped me greatly. I feel like I am talking in a group therapy session when I spill the beans in public. I find it very theraputic. I will be reading your posts daily and will be most interested in your progress. Mike

Ok my order for extraordinarily happy and unworried life has gone astray a little. I don't know if it has something to do with the Xanax. The week before happy day I was on cipramil and life was not treating me well. So I was taking the Xanax 3 times a day at .25mg. The last night (Thurs) I took .5 to get to sleep. On the happy day, evening struck and anxiety settled in. I was proud of myself for not having felt like I needed any Xanax and the anxiety felt during the day because I coped with it with in style. That night I didn't get to sleep on the normal dose of .25. so I took another .25 and still had difficulties but got there in the end. I have also been experiencing over the last few days what feels like a cross between a hangover and giving up smoking which I did three years ago without even blinking. Have I become dependant on Xanax because of an ill fitting SSRI? I also have alot of energy in my legs (which ordinarily is a good thing) but when I feel it at night there isn't much I can do about it. I have been walking during the day to try to use it up. The other slightly annoying thing is that I'm having trouble being able to eat at night again. I wonder where that order got to.