aloha, I think you're right on about "the art of conversation", I bet there is a book out there somewhere regarding that - if not there should be. Some people do get offended by a strongly opionated person, especially in a first time engagement. In my opinion, most people have a tendancy to talk primarly about themselves, making it difficult (esp. if you have just met them) to continue or add to the topic at hand. I also think many people don't ask "why" or "what did you mean by that" or what does the word "blaptidityblob" mean. Sometimes people do talk to much, in turn, the listener may be overwhelmed with misunderstanding leading to the end of that conversation. Does that make sense? So my resolve (just another opinion), is to reply by somewhat reiterated what the persons statement was with your interpreted value of what they ment, then followed by your opinion. If you feel maybe you have offended that person, it's good to ask straight up if they know what you mean. It's like righting a essay, start with the question, support the facts, then state your opinion. It's o.k. to disagree, as long you both know what you are in disagreement over. If you do but heads, it's nice to say "huh, I never thought about it that way". Does that help at all?

Thanks---It is easy to be socialon the computer. Even at work it is not so hard. Others start the conversation and you just state your opinion.But it is the art of conversation I have trouble with knowing what is acceptable to say and what is not. At the end of the day I go over what happens and I say to myself I should of said this or I shouldn't have said that. Then I kick myself. I already have trouble getting to sleep and that just makes it worse. Sometimes I think I say too much---especially my opinion. I'm not too good at reading what other people are really say. I take everyone at face value. Not to good in the real world.

Drink ;p just kidding- sort of. I'm an only child and moved about 20 some times by the age 25. I think the easiest way to cope with social situations is to listen and make eye contact (not spooky intense eye contanct). I generally feed off other conversations, the minute you feel like you HAVE to say something, whether it be funny, intellegent or graceful is usually the time one "brain ****s". Don't worry, you can be the quiet person, it's better than locking yourself in the bathroom. Watch the morning news or listen to KNBR (talk radio), really any kind of conversation communication (outside of sitcoms and drama tv) will influence your comfort with small talk. You seem very social on-line.

I was in a social situation--A birthday party---I was expected to carry on a conversation--I felt the panic coming on. I tryed to do breathing without anyone else noticing. I road it out but it was difficult.Any pointers on how to deal with social situations???

Hi mehere, that's great the ol nerves are calming down! Don't worry if they get bad again, you know you can get through it. Regarding the breathing, I've studied TCM (traditional Chinese Medicine) back in 95 and there have been amazing medical recoveries (from things as drastic as cancer) after patients were admitting to breathing practices as part of treatment. I've also visited a holistic chiropracter that claims the our everyday stresses are what prohibit our "breath" from reaching all of our body parts, in turn will get ill in a variety of ways. Who knows, but it's a pretty interesting theory. Regarding stress relievers. How about painting one of your room a blue/gray shade? It will keep you busy and blue has a calming effect.

I had a great day today! No adivan in 30 hours. I want to get back to the way it was a year ago. That is my goal with my meds. Maybe this program will help me deal with everything a little better. :)

Hi, mehere. I'm glad you found the breathing exercises. I hope you will take the time to do the program one week at a time though. The weekly homework is really helpful.

I have been in a constant panic attack for 3 days now. I downloaded the printable copy of the panic program. I read the first two sessions and skipped to the box breathing exercises. They have helped some. I been nervous and fearful. Alot is going on at work. I'm trying to cut back on the adivan.I've been using it to help me sleep, and that is not really the purpose of haveing it. I think that and with everything else that is why my panics have been worse.But I'm just riding them out. Just typing this is making me feel more relaxed.Is there any recomendations for the nervousness? any excersizes that I can do to help that? I have been on a scale from 0-10 about a 3. I just want it to stop. I would say it is about where I would be if I were taking a final test or something. But at least when you are done with the test the nerviousness goes away.I am thinking of an excersize program. I don't have yoga in my area.Music is good too sometimes it makes me want to get up and do things and sometimes it makes me a blob(I just want to sit and listen).I have been exploring my options on the other stuff. And I have part of a plan in place. Somethings are more long term than others. I don't have my degree yet and my job is really cool. They are very supportive. In another year or so I will have my degree and that will help me out.My husband is not A-Typical as far as abuse goes.We just have a different way of looking at things. I think the children are the most important thing and he thinks housework and making money are the most important thing. If we could meet somewhere in the middle maybe things would be better. I have tryed to get him & I to go to counseling. The children where recieving counseling until about 2 months ago.They know that if they don't get into stuff that they are not suppose to and keep their rooms clean then no anger will be directed at them.For the most part I think that these are good lessons.I grew up in a home where nothing was expected of me. I didn't learn these lessons until I left home. That the world doesn't revolve around me. I took some parenting courses a year ago and they have helped. I found new ways to deal with the children.My husband even said last night that he wants to change the way in which he deals with them.But I don't want tal

Are you taking meds for genetic chemical imbalance or as treatment for past experiences? Have you heard of the stones Aventurine or Onyx?

I totally understand what you mean when you "know" what you should do but the actual implication is seemingly impossible. I don't think any one person has all the answers, which makes talking and taking in as much info as possible is an important part of your own decision. I realize it's scary to expose your deepest fears/insecurities, especially on line. Being a counsler, I'm sure you realize the benefit of support but I agree it's hard to change when you fear trusting anyone. Seems to me like you have a great resource for legal advise given the occupation you have. What gives? Regarding the police: I would approach an officer on the street (going through the office is paperwork and the run around) and create a calm dialog. Explain your concerns in how to realistically get out of your situation, permanently. No drama, just straight facts on how the system works best in your communitiy. I would express your concern regarding restraining orders and custady not neccessarily making things safe. You need to understand how this will work for you are your kids as quickly as possible once you do take legal action. Again, try to be collective when engaging with the officer, you need to build a friendship and trust with the law. Testimony from witnesses outside the home will work to your advantage. This is a plan, not an immediate request for throwing your husband behind bars. No person should have to go through what your dealing with, it's not right. Regarding fear, MAKE time for yoga. If anything it will help you breath and stand up straighter :). Maybe one or both of your children would be willing to go with you the first couple of times. It would be a good way to show them you are trying to make things better. Once you get there you'll realize how one hour of your time is just a spot in life. It has, in the past, really helped me get grounded and secure with my position. It's so easy to overthink all the what ifs that eventually freeze you from the best parts of life. I swear, just 2 or 3 yoga sessions should do wonders- it's not hippy dippy freaky and you don't have to put legs behind your head to feel the effects.