Hi, Mehere. Your fear may be real, but you are giving arguments to keep buying into your thinking and current situation as if there were no way out. There is always a way out. There are always choices to be made. You have to be willing to explore your choices. This site is there to help teach you to challenge your thinking and not to allow fear to diminate your actions. You paint a worst-case scenario of impossibility through "what if" thinking, and it could go that way, but it doesn't have to be played out that way. There is also the good "what if thinking," like what if something good happens and I look for and find another job? Or, what if I talk to a lawyer?" There are things you can do. Perhaps you can network to find another job altogether, in the same town or elsewhere. As a violence counsellor, you know there are risks, but you also know that to remain in an unhealthy situation is not good for anyone. Children learn by example and if they are absorbing your acceptance of verbal abuse, how will they learn or treat other people otherwise when they grow up? They are wanting you to leave? That's a powerful message. When couples split up, it is not unusual for one to try to build a case against the other, and yes, often the single mom is facing a lot of monetary difficulties. Have you tried to talk to a lawyer about it? In the meantime, do sign up for the panic program. It will help you think through small attainable baby step goals. Record your PAs in the Panic Diary too.

I really appreciateyour support. The really sad part of it is that I counsel women on domestic violence on my job. I have helped many women and even some men to get out of there situation. The problem is most of them are on welfare and money isn't an issue. For me it would mean going from 60k to being on welfare. As for my feelings it is fear fear and more fear. From what I've checked into I would have to give up my job because of the safety issue. I am going to school to further my education. Which in the long run will help me to have a job if I choose to leave. My children want me to leave so there is no problem there. Ecept the courts always give visitation and he wants he kids. in 5 or 10 years that won't be a problem. The physical abuse is only a few times the emotional is every day. I think he will use the panic attacks against me..so as you can see it is not as easy as it looks. I tell people all the time get out leave him. So I know what to do it's just doing it that is the problem.I also know that the fear is real and that is what causes the panic attacks. Dealing with all of it is so hard. I use to do yoga when I was a kid. I never really have time to myself. This site helps to take my mind off of it.But sometimes I think my mind should be on it. so that I can be prepared.I sometimes I think the panic attacks keep me on my toes. My senses are so elevated when I have one.The police don't seem to be on my side. I don't feel like I have any protection. No family support and no real friends. I'm not to good with friendships. I always say the wrong thing.I see and meet alot of people, but it is hard to make real friendships the ones where you tell all.I think my husbands personality would be to be a stalker. He would not let me leave easily.I just don't know how to get over the fear. As for neighbors they know some of it and they have said I could use their phone. I do have a safety plan in place (if it works). Like I said the physical abuse is not all of the time. And without that the police don't do to much. I guess it appears to be all in my head ...but of course I know that that is not true.Now a question How do I deal with the police? And How do I deal with the fear?

I asked specifically if your neighbors knew as a small part of dealing with your situation. Kind of like a fire drill. Especially if you guys fight a lot, your neighbors may be less aware of how to react in case of a near death situation. So maybe a secret word that you and your children know to scream, or a specific light to flash, or a blow horn etc. to signal to neighbors that you desperately need help. Or maybe like a life alert button that your husband doesn't know about that you could activate if things got out of control. An emergency cell phone could be registered under a friend or neighbors name that you keep on hand at all times would also be a good protective measure in the same circumstance. I realize the fear you may harbor in taking such actions thinking of what he may do if he found out your plots. But, you need to get out of this situation, it's not healthy for you or the influence and growth of your children. I'm sure you know that and I relize how you can feel frozen and insecure. I to would be caucious of exposing to many details on-line. Your situation (to me) seems pretty unique, granted I'm sure it happens to many families in simular ways. Yoga would be a great activity to get involved in, plus it will get you out of the house. It has helped me feel a lot more alert and grounded, as well as healthier and more in control of my life. My past experiences with men really held me back from being open to new, more positive, experiences. The man who stalked me was a past boyfriend who I broke up with. He was a manipulative, sneeky, alcoholic that seemed shameless in his actions. He had been through awful circumstances in his past that influenced his behavior. I'm sure your husband has also had a shady past, meaning he needs help as well. Your children could easily fall into the same pattern if you don't commit to changing your situation, as soon as possible. Have you looked into private dectives? You are a strong woman, and your fear or panic means you care. It's smart that you fear the situation you are in just don't let it stop you from taking a step in the direction you deserve to go which is content. Inform your children you are really trying to make the move but it needs to be executed in an effective way so the o

Hi mehere, I can relate to your fear and your concerns and can only imagine what you're going through right now... I'm glad that you're working with a psychiatrist - and it sounds like you've gotten the police involved and they're probably working on investigating the incident to build up for an arrest -- I can understand keeping details out of a public forum, which makes sense - so since that causes fear for you, and the police have also advised against it, you can at least feel safe discussing how you're "feeling" about it all, meaning the panic, fear, feeling trapped maybe? and how you're working through those feelings? try to focus on what IS in your control.... although it sounds like a very difficult position to be in - with the husband being involved and having children, I know that you will find the strength and courage to find a solution to help yourself and your children to safety. As for the site here, it's pretty well anonymous - you are another person, like any of us, battling anixety/panic disorders.... none of us have the ability to judge OR diagnose - we're just here to help & support as best we can..... I'm glad that you feel a little bit of relief from posting, and hopefully, a little bit of 'safety' in it as well. If you're concerned about your husband finding out about you posting online, you can always go to a friends' house, or somewhere other than your home to sign on and post. I'll keep you in my thoughts for safety.... with care&compassion, SCBB

I thank you for the support. I have had more axiety attacks then usual this weekend. Talking about it makes me feel better but if the people invovled knew I was talking over the internet...well it makes me afraid. I have been to a shelter already. I have chosen not to leave unless I can think up a plan. There is far more to this story that I won't post.Being stalked sounds scary too. I haven't been in that situation. At least most of the people I talk too realize that what I am going through is real and some how that makes a difference.

Hello mehere, it's hard to understand how people can be so cruel. I've been raped and stalked (sp?) in the past which seems like peanuts compared to what you have been through. I understand the apprehension in not aggressively seeking help when your not totally certain of all the "facts" eligable for court or protection. Are your neighbors aware of your fear? Do you have a cell phone that you keep close at all times? Don't let your past hold you down, you deserve to be treated like a princess.

I understand that it feels like you're alone in this situation. Shelters for abused women exist, and if you talk with your psychiatrist and social worker about this they can give you more information and perhaps help you make more active choices in this matter. If you are afraid of your husband, you really should find some help with this problem. Ask for more information and find out what your options are.

I have been seeing a phycitrist for 5 years. I know I didn't spell it right. I am curently takeing medication. The person that did the crime is someone that I know and use to call a friend. My husband is also envovled. He held me down while 2 unknown people hit me in the head with a baseball bat. They were trying to get me to not talk about what they did. For a time I didn't remember it happening, and now my husband denies that it ever happened.Some people say that I should leave but I feel he will harm me further. There are children invovled.I feel like no one else has ever been in this situation.I have found some proof that it happened, but I am to afraid to reveal it.

Hi, Mehere. When someone has been attacked and the attacker is not yet apprehended, it's normal to take security precautions. For instance, have you had a security expert or consultant examine your locks, etc? Have you seen a doctor about this? Have your panic attacks increased since the attack?

I feel that the person who harmed me will come to my house and harm me. It is someone that I know. They don't want me to talk about what happened. The police have not arrested the suspect.