I have always been scared, even when I was little. This is probably very normal but when I was small I was always scared in the dark, and of being away from home, and that's never really gone away. I could never sleep over at anyone's house, not even when I was in my teens. When I was 12 we went on a school trip and I cried all weekend. On another trip when I was 14 I ran away back home on the first day. I didn't understand it at the time but I just couldn't bear being away from my safe place.
When I was in my early twenties there was a time when I could hitch hike all through Europe and fly to Jamaica on my own, no problem, but then it got worse again. I would still go on trips but I'd have a really rotten time with panic attacks, so over the years I gave up. The strange thing is, part of me still thinks I'm ok. I can plan trips and social engagements quite happily and look forward to them, but when they get closer I freak and want to cancel.
Marianne
