Hi, Loana. Welcome. Wow. It sure sounds like you had a call to be supermom and were able to give it a good go for a little while. Many of us I'm sure wonder if we could shine in such a situation. Just being able to cope would satisfy me. Congratulations for making it through college! Two things stand out in your post: The changes occuring during and around your pregnancy, and your much reduced quality of life now, without meds. Unfortunately we can't be 22 or so forever. We can't be pregnant forever, nor is every pregnancy the same as the others. You came off your meds suddenly, and a quick withdrawal like that usually causes changes, oftentimes accompanied by a high, followed by a deep low. In the middle of that though there were the hormonal changes that your pregnancy and the post-partum period brought, and there's a likely chance that your pregnancy thus influenced your situation. A pregnancy affects your body for about two years. Your description of college days sounds difficult, but you made it through nevertheless. Awesome! The meds you were taking might not have been the ideal ones for you, but meds evolve and are improved. Seldom, if ever, is someone on the same exact ones for life without adjustment and substitutions. As you describe in your post, when you hit your low, you isolated and your children's quality of life suffered, as did your own. That is worrisome and for your sake and for the sake of everyone in your family, I urge you to seek expert medical opinion again. Perhaps it might be a more productive thing to take meds again. None of us on the board here knows this. That's why I would urge you to find a good therapist and discuss this thoroughly. Sometimes people have to shop around a little to find one they feel comfortable with. Your past experience need not be your future one. Some people do take meds for life, and accepting that one is "better off with meds than without" may be a hard admission to make, but oftentimes it's just the smart and sensible thing to do instead of "just" working on modifying behaviors. All med plans can and must be reviewed regularly, so once on a med does not necessarily mean it's for life. For starters though, have you taken the free Anxiety Test? (See link to i

Hi guys! I'm new here, and I found you because I didn't know which other way to turn. I have suffered with panic for about 6 years now. My panic showed up along with my second pregnancy and at first I had no idea what it was. By the time the baby was 6 months old I ended up in the hospital for medication adjustment. I took the meds for 4 years while I was mostly house bound. The only thing I did was go to college and struggled with every class. The meds made me so mellow people didn't recognize me and my life was nothing but a string of pills. In Jan 2001 I found out I was pregnant again. As silly as it sounded I had hope that it was this pregnancy that will take my panic away. Meanwhile my life suddenly complicated with us getting custody of 3 other children(long story) 4, 2 and 3 mos old. Everyone thought I was going to lose my mind since I was also pregnant. I stopped all meds the day I found out I was pregnant. And I was panic free. For the first time I started taking my kids to their activities and going to school by myself. My son was so happy that "mom learned how to drive". I took 6 kids to baseball games karate and dance. I took them everywhere. My life was stressful but I loved it. I had become the super mom I always wanted to be. I even bought a new car! Then a year and a half later I had a panic attack coming back from Walmart. I haven't driven since. My kids miss me and I feel like such a failure. I had to take them out of all activities because I can't drive. Not only that but I can't even go with them if their father is taking them. I am so frustrated!!! How can I fail like this? I don't want to take meds again. I liked my new me. I had so much energy and I lost 40lbs even though I was pregnant. I look great, my kids are wonderful and I graduated college with my mom and grandma cheering me on. It seems like this is the year where I have achieved all my goals. So why do I have the attacks? Is it that the babies are older and I am not keeping myself totally stressed at all times? Am I finally getting enough sleep and this is wrong? Can someone shed some light on this? Sorry about the long message but I don't know where to turn. This condition has taken over my life and I am losing hope fast. Thank you!