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I feel a poem is appropriate at this point. Maybe you will understand a bit better. I hope you don't mind.
Beyond Me
By Maria Oviatt
Beyond my nightmare fears
Beyond my bloodied pain
Beyond my searing tears
Beyond my acid rain
Beyond my beloved Mother
Beyond my sinking beliefs
Beyond my any other
Beyond my sobbing grief
Beyond my luring shadows
Beyond my only whispered secrets
Beyond my always closed windows
Beyond my broken hearted regrets
Beyond my torturous unforgiveness
Beyond my infinite black
Beyond my exhausting no rest
Beyond my hurricane blasted havoc
Beyond my haunting past
Beyond my fathoms deep abyss
Beyond my breathy aghast
Beyond my many a near miss
Beyond my vampire men
Beyond my lost child
Beyond my multi colored sin
Beyond my gypsy wild
An ancient whisper comes
Beyond, thank God, I see€¦
You, sweet Jesus, €˜tis Thee€¦
My one gleaming white light€¦
In my life€™s dark night.
What would you say if I told you none of my dreams ever came true - I don't know who I ever was - When I look in the mirror, now, I do not recognize myself.
What would you say if I said I have cried most of the day - and, now, as the day is ending, I ended up here at this site.
What would you say if I told you I have such a deep dark secrets that, they are some of the reasons I have my anxiety attacks - and, when I do not take my meds. the memories come back with such force, I can hardly handle them anymore. I just don't have any answers and don't even know what questions to ask - I am in a dark period - the only way out is to trick my mind one way or another - it does get exhausting - ever feel that way - do you understand what I mean -
Maria
[quote]
"However vague they are, dreams have a way of concealing themselves and leave us no peace until they are translated into reality, like seeds germinating underground, sure to sprout in their search for the sunlight."
[/quote] __Lin Yutang
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