Debra, Haven't heard from you in a while. Were you able to locate a workbook? Red :quest:

Debra, It amazes me that we can get so distracted when in a stae of anxiety. It must be an 'escape' mechanism. There are times that I just cannot concdntrate on anything at all. The more stress..the less the attention span. I have done very well with my 'healing' in the anxiety department, and just last Valentine's Day, my estrenged husband sud me for divorce. Sice then I cannot keep a thing in my head. I am so scattered. I don't even know what day it is. I realize this is a temporary setback, and I must be patient with myself. I think we all know that we amongst fellow sufferes here. If I can help one such person, then I feel like I have accomplished something. hang in, ask as many questions as you want, and please keep us posted. We care. Red

Oh, so that's what a workbook is! My mind skipped right over that little detail. Funny how distracted I can be sometimes when I'm anxious. I'll do my best to find it.

Hi, Debra, I understand that you have little time to read, but this is an issue of great importance. It is not the kind of book that you just sit down and read..but more a workbook, where you would read a little, do the exercise and then when you have some more time, do the same thing again. It is easy reading, and the exercises are of great merit in our battle with Panic disorders. You actually feel as though you are making progress immediately. This is what impressed me with this particular book. It may well be one that is a "must have" for your own personal collection, as it is for me. This way you could do it as you had the time. I notice with myself, that if I go back and reread the same section, I learn yet something else. It must have to do with our focus at the time of reading. Or maybe with the "digestion" of information - it builds on iself. See what you think. I would be interested in your feedback. Red

Thanks, Red. You're so helpful. I'll look it up for sure. I don't have much free time to read, but I know I should find out more about this. I'm off this morning so will try to see if I can find it at the library, providing it's open. :)

Hi, Debra, I have been reading your posts and am so glad you finally got to see your new therapist. I am assuming that beacuse it was your first visit, that he ia new for you - you do not know him.. You two will develop a relationship thru your sessions, and I only hope that you can have the kind of rapport that my PhD and I have. When I first started treatment I was recovering from my 3rd spine surgery, and was really not feeling well. he made the suggestion about the day planner, and making a list. He has been instrumental for the opportunitiy I enjoy of getting excellent medical care. He is in my corner, has written many a letter on my behalf, and is enjoying my remarkable recovery. I have been seeing him for 7 years. Boy, time surely flies, when you are having fun! I also make a list of things that are pressing at the time. I have a medical condition that needs to be attended to and he helps me take direction in the management of my medical care. I am in charge of all my treatments, meds, tests and therapies. At this time, it is a good idea to do this, as doctos are busy, spend not enough time with each patient, and in no way can they remember everything about each one that they see. It is as though they have a "production line" running thru their offices. How could they ever keep track of "everybody's everything"? What I do is have a day planner, and in this book I list all my meds, when I take them, the dosage, and who prescribed the drug. In addition,I keep my journal postings, and my list of questions and concerns for the next visit. I also list my drs appointments. It also has a section to keep business cards. This book is invaluable, as you have everything in one place. I am reading a book, as we speak, called "I Can't Get Over It" A Handbook For Trauma Survivors,Second Edition, by Aphrodite Matsakis, PhD. It is a workbook, and it touches on the many facets of PTSD. I cannot begin to list the many causes of PTSD and the treatments thereof. It explains the nature of PTSD and describes the healing process. While most trauma survivors believe they 'can't get over it,'the use of this book, along with appropriate therapy, could certainly assist sufferers on a healing journey. This is not the only workbook I am using. I've got several ot

Dear Debra, I am assuming you and your therapist have a good relationship. It has been my experience at 'sessions' with a therapist that the 'time' goes by very quickly. So, what I used to do is 'make a list' of things I did not want to forget to ask my therapist. I mean, they are only human and are somewhat programmed to ask the 'usual' questions. This is not a bad thing, however, I found it productive to 'help lead' him in certain directions. You could say, for example, I really 'feel' I need to talk about this or that today. You are paying him - you want to get better - he wants you to get better - and, will probably appreciate you taking an interest in your own therapy - actually, every time I went to a session, I considered it like a 'class' - I enjoyed my therapy and got involved. Also, if he prescribes something for you, €˜research€™ the product before you take it - there is an enormous amount of medications out there - the pharmaceutical companies are making lots of money! So, discuss all this with your therapist, he will more than likely respect you for being so interested and taking a 'hands on' approach to your recovery! Maria

I've read through your suggestions again and printed them out. In the meantime, I went to the therapist and he's diagnosed me with a mild depression and post-traumatic stress. What a relief to get that visit over with! I didn't realize how much fear I had built up beforehand. I know now that I'll have to take some action. Either I look for another job, as you suggest, or find the best way to deal with Dragon Lady. Either way, I cannot continue to let things ride. I had my first panic attack in the daytime this week, and it happened at work. The diary helped this time. What a great idea. Even I could tell that Dragon Lady triggered it. I brought it up with the therapist and he said we would work on it. It's so good to know I'll have a coach of sorts. Any idea what will happen in therapy now? Will it all be about my parents and my childhood? I don't want to go there, as there's not a whole lot to find in that, I think.

Dear Debra, You communicated your feelings very well. As for you Dragon Lady Boss person, I worked with one of 'those' at one point in my life. She was unusually critical, never ever smiled, piled loads and loads of work on my desk - numerous outside assignments, interviews and photo shoots(making it almost impossible for me to finish them all on time) - so many, in fact, my anxiety level was really soaring most of the time. Sometimes she even would come in my office and 'brow beat' me so to speak about articles, deadlines, etc. Then to make matters even worse, the president of the company gave her power to 'proof read' all my articles before I sent them over to the newspapers. I could go on, but, I won't. Solution: I had finally had enough of her. I decided to picture her (now mind you, she was very tall and masculine looking, overweight, smelled of cigarettes and few showers) in sexy lingerie! Just the thought of her like that was hilarious! Every day I would take a book of victorian poems, some really good 'positive thinking' book to read when things got almost unbearable. I knew my work was good, I liked my job, I had my own office - and, in the end she was dismissed from the company because she was accused of embezzling money. True story. So, just imagine this Dragon Lady in some crazy outfit - and laugh to yourself. I work from my home now. It suits me. Being a writer one can do that. I just decided to do what was best for me! And, this is what you must do. Do what is best for you and yours. Only you know what it is. But, remember - every day is a blessing and don't waste even one of them! Plan ahead - look for another job while on this one - or, try to make the best of this one. It is not the only job in the world - you may look back in ten years and say Gee, I am so glad I moved forward or, you could easily say, Gee, I am glad I stayed on here, it was worth it all! Your choice. Sometimes it's all about choices. Maria

What a helpful thread. I've thought about the changing job question even more last night, after reading your posts. I guess we've been working in a gradual situation that's become almost unbearable. Yesterday afternoon The Dragon Lady degraded the receptionist to tears. I have to admit that the boss lady is a tyrant at times, not as much to me as to the others in the office. Still it's unpleasant when she gets in a negative critical fit. We all feel it and the office mood is guarded around her, not because she's the boss, but because of her unpredictable critical outbursts. She went on about some little thing and really degraded the receptionist until the poor thing was in tears. She was right to correct, but man, the way she did it! On the plus side, I really like the work I do and the location of the office, something I didn't like in my last job. The building is well situated in relation to my apartment. It's fairly quiet building, but there are nice people in the other offices, and it's in a nice neighborhood, handy to stores and everything. I like my workmates and there's a gym we can use once a week. We are a non-profit organization that deals with regional issues, including housing, so the work is very demanding and satisfying. Whenever there is a deadline, or something urgent pops up, as it does every few days, we have to handle it, and that's when she acts up. I handle the media and press releases, legal files and all kinds of stuff that our member groups send to us. Man, I just wrote a book, didn't I? Didn't mean to bore you with all of this. You're right though, ladies. I think I am afraid to move on. No one likes job hunting, but to be honest, I think the boss is abusive. My workmastes call her Dragon Lady, and it isn't because she celebrates New Year's in China. How do you handle that job-hunting fear, Maria? Red, I was too much in a reflective mood last night and could not relax enough to visualize. I fell asleep thinking about work. I slept like a log though.