Hello!

I am sorry to read you are having trouble. But I am also very glad you attempted to do it even though it was such a daunting task for you. Awesome work! Even if you are able to do it for a few seconds this is very good to start. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Being mindful of emotions is no easy task - especially when you are feeling severely depressed. Perhaps trying a youtube or google search for mindfulness for depression. I know there is a ton of great information out there that might give you some more tips. When you are feeling up to it let us know what you discover!

Keep up the hard work - you are truly doing great just by not giving up and continuing to try.

the labor continues...

 

finally pushed through the first section of the program.  Guess what? I'm depressed.  Really, really textbook clinically depressed. Stupid... Lazy... Worthless? All a part of major depression. Powerful dis-ease this depression thing.  Somehow reading ABOUT depression has helped me feel a little bit lighter... a tiny bit more hopeful.

 

I still have not been able to do the meditation/mindfulness exercise Ashley mentioned, but daily re-read the steps set forth in the Psychology Today article and it has helped me to be more mindful of my emotions.  I can allow them to be present for a few seconds longer before jamming them down and running away.  

 

Am reminded that the innate fear of emotion is actually worse than engaging with the emotions themselves. However, right now, this intellectual knowledge is worthless... fear is still winning and feels insurmountable. ~m

 

 

Excellent article Ashley. Thank you for mentioning it.  It is clearly written and nicely set out in a step by step manner.  Intellectually, I am open and excited by the possibilities... however, as I set about to DO the mindfulness exercise my eye started twitching and anxiety set in.  I couldn't settle into the meditation process. It was a disaster... like everything else I've been doing lately.  Or rather, attempting to do.

 

I feel so depleted... defeated... 

 

I know that emotions aren't going to kill me (actually I wish they would). I know that emotions are best felt and allowed to pass through and that it's always better on the other side.  

 

I don't understand why my understanding of the process doesn't make it any easier to do.

 

I feel broken.  

 

All the hours and years and decades of "managing" my damaged self ...

 

seems pointless.  So much wasted energy.

 

 

What an interesting way of putting it. I completely understand what you mean. Sometimes we have to work through things before we can heal. Some emotions are very healthy and need to be felt in order to be processed. Part of the work is determining what is healthy (being mindful of emotions, identifying emotions, expressing emotions) or unhealthy ( repressing through substances, denial, amplification through thoughts (catastrophsizing, etc.).  I have been learning a lot about mindfulness and I really think mindfulness is a great way to process difficult emotions. Check out his article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/urban-mindfulness/200904/riding-the-e-train-mindfulness-emotions

Sometimes just accepting our emotions and "sitting in them" can help us to move past them. What are your thoughts?

Is anyone familiar with this term:  Emotional Labor?  Isn't that the perfect description of what happens when we fight depression?  This term comes from a book by Susan Cain. "Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking."  I just borrowed the book from the library so have not yet read more, but the term just speaks so strongly to me, referring to the effort it takes to "control and change our own emotions."

 

There is unproductive labor involved in controlling emotions...  like numbing out with alcohol or sleep or just plain denial; or, there is productive labor, like coming here to work through the program and learn (or remember) healthy ways to manage those emotions.

 

I've spent the last 6 months in unproductive labor... and I'm so tired from it... tired OF it.  I'm just so very, very tired and all I can see in front of me is the burden of faking it through the holidays.

 

I guess I'd rather face doing the reading and homework here and not worry about the holidays.  I know this program works when I actually apply myself to it.  The holidays will come and go with or without me.  Most likely without my participation.  I don't really care at this point.

 

But I'm kinda sorta maybe a little more willing to get started with some productive emotional labor cuz the unproductive sort is killing me.  

 

Just my two cents... ~m