Hi Easy
After my father passed away a long time ago, I had this desperate urge to know what death will be like. Not the actual point of dying but what is beyond this life. I spent hours and hours reading everything I possibly could and after about two years of searching just thought: "Well, that's it. I have read everything I could, I still don't know for sure, but I know enough." I concentrated on books about people who are able to communicate with the dead etc.
This period in my life was when I was diagnosed with depression and today I can kick myself because the way I treated this situation had a huge impact on my life. I was a very religious person at this stage and reading all these other things, which was against our religion then, (and I suppose now as well) caused a lot of conflict in myself. So much so that I have resigned from my church because they made me feel inferior because I was not just able to believe.
It is a very difficult subject this as we don't really know for certain what will happen. We believe that we will go to heaven if we are christians, other religions believe something different and everyone thinks that they are right. Fact is Easy, we are all going to die. There is absolutely nothing we can do or say that will change this. Nothing at all. To tell you to just accept that, might not be what you want to hear, but you just have to. Why put yourself through this hell when you know it is going to happen. To use the cliche: "Life is a journey, enjoy the ride."
What I am saying might sound simple. I believe in this case, it is simple. You have no choice. Do you know how much energy you are putting into this. You yourself has said that it takes a lot of your time. Could you not use that same energy to focus on what is going to happen before you die. Your life is happening. Don't let it pass you by. Please
