Thank you Sangha. I was just reading so many messages from people who are 18 or 19 years old and seem ready to give up. It was breaking my heart so I wanted to speak up. Never feel guilty for your feelings, especially since we have no control over them in many cases because of our illnesses. What is sometimes difficult to remember is that scattered among all of that pain are some really wonderful moments. Thinking back, as much as it hurts, would I trade those times, brief as they may sometimes seem, to be rid of the pain? I don't think so.
I'm older now and there are probably fewer years ahead of me than behind and I have a son about the age of some of the people posting on this message board. I guess the mom in we wanted to reach out to those kids in pain and say "If I can make it, so can you. Please don't assume that there will never be any good times, because there will be."
I've been having a rough few days. I recently had a slight change in my meds and it's always frustrating trying to figure out if that has anything to do with it. But even though there are times when I truly want to die, I know I can't because of my son. So what I try to do is make myself do the little things. I force myself to try to eat right, get enough sleep, exercise regularly etc. etc. etc. Sometimes it seems so pointless and I don't always see that it makes much difference but I do it.
I appreciate your concern and hope that you will keep writing. We may just be names right now but our pain (though unique for each of us) is a bond between us because we understand in a way that no one who hasn't felt it can ever know.
So, I'm glad you responded. Don't feel bad about feeling bad. I feel the same way. I look at my life soemtimes and say, "what right do I have to feel so bad when so many others have it so much worse". But you know, that just adds to the downward spiral.
Well, I looked outside this morning and the sun was shining. If nothing else today, I can feel good about that!
Hope to hear from you again.