Suzy, your post brought tears to my eyes. I can't explain it, it just really seems like life is finally giving you what you deserve. You're so lucky to have a husband like yours, he seems to be the one constant thing. I'm so glad to hear that the rest of your family is coming together too, and that you found your answers with God. Good luck with your quit, i know you'll do it, b/c your attitude is perfect! Much Love, Beth

BETH..thanks for the uplift. My husband is a retired radio announcer. Got up at 3am every morning to prepare for the 6am news broadcast, and had his own shw which he taped for seekend evenings feaaturing old shows like Inner Sanctum, The Shadow, and many daytime shows. He still has all the old reel to reel equipment, and used to spend hours programming them and keeping list and lists of shows for specific days. Has the original oversize record of 'War of the Worlds',but now has slowly lost interest in them and the reel-to-reel equipment is now stored in the bassement. I suggested that he donate them to the University of Victoria for thier radio shows, but hsn't yet decided what he wants to do with them. I'm sure there are collectors that would love to have them. Maybe someone on the site may be interested, but it would have to be someone who has a love for this and wants to use them for good. They are quite valuable, but would donate them for the right thing. Retired in January of this year and is now 69. He hs been sl suppotive of my problem and does anything he can tohelp me thru it. Does not question my moods, but is very feeling, and sometimes feels at a loss as to how to do this. He has attended doc's and groups with me and is very doting. As for my son, he still hs a problem dealing with drug addiction, and resents how my son has used me in the past ( even to steel from me ), but that is part of the addiction. When the craving hits, it doesn't matter where the money comes from. He just needs that fix. But is so much better now and is developing a strong faith in the Lord. That is the key. If you truly beliee, all you have to do is ask, and your prayers will be anwered; maybe not the way use expect, but He is always there for you. You are His child and He loves you. My daughter-in-law wnet to AA and found that the 12 step wasn't what she needed. Also my son, tho he attends meetings once or twice an evening after work. Finds AA is better than NA for him, but goe toboth. My daughter-in-law if now free of her drinking, but puts all her faith in the Lord and is a changed person. Mever saw her for years, but now comes over all the time and has a group aat her church that holds a prayer session for Jeff, my son. Prayer is so strong. We all have to reach for tha

MARIA ... very good post. you are right. One step at a time and one block at a time. And if someone comes out to ask if you have a problem, don't be afraid to explain to them what the problem is. If they are good neighbours, they will probably understand and become another friend.Thats one thing I have learned. Don't hide the fact of the problem. You'd be surprised how many have had this disorder and can help, or be a support for you, and you for them. Seems like you're getting your driving under control. And so what if you get lost. One way to learn more about your neighbourhood and town you live in, don't you think? Good luck to you and glad to hear that you carry back-up meds for when needed. Like I did, I had to examine why I had the anxiety going to work, and found that it wsn't where I wanted to be in life. As I ws raising 3 kids on my own, a job was an income, not a choice.Now that I'm retired, I don't have to worry about that, but would love to do volunteer work, and now have to focus on what I WNAT to do in what field. Life never stops sending you twists and turns and choices, but that is what makes us who we are, con't you think? LUV and HUGS, SUZY.

Very wise words Maria. I think you've really hit the nail on the head. I too always keep my meds on hand. Occasionaly, when i've forgotten, i suddenly remember that i don't have them, and have a panic attack. Having them makes me think that if i have a panic attack, i'll be ok. This generally prevents them! I've also found that the music i choose to listen to in the car can help. I always make sure that i have something soothing, like jazz or adult contemporary. No need to be frightened by sudden noises coming from your stereo! It has also helped me to plan my route thoroughly. I sort of turn it into baby steps, like Maria said about driving one block, choose landmarks to pass. I won't deny though, that there have been times when i've had to call to be picked up, b/c i was to panicky to drive. (My parents LOVE that, when the both have to come, so that one of them can drive my car home! ESPECIALLY if they're already in bed). At least when you're already home, you can just back out of leaving the house. The trouble sets in when you're out, and have to get home. OH the JOYS of panic!

Good Afternoon, I will say this much about driving and anxiety attacks. There is 'before' driving feelings of anxiety - in that case, do not drive - just wait until the 'feeling' we all know subsides - then I go ahead and drive. There is 'behind the wheel driving' and a panic attack creeps up - pull over by all means, and wait until it subsides. Finally, there is the 'I cannot drive because I am so afraid I am going to have an anxiety attack while driving'. I have experienced all three scenarios many times. The important thing to remember, as far as I am concerned, is always keep a mental thermometer in the back of your head regarding your anxiety levels. I always keep my meds (I learned this the hard way)in my purse - even if I think an anxiety attack is miles away. So, do drive or not to drive is the question. You must gauge that for yourself. And, if you are not driving at all, because of the fear of an anxiety attack, here are some suggestions - I have used all of them. 1. Just get in the car and sit there for a few minutes and say "I am doing great, just sitting here. I am not having an anxiety attack." 2. Try and just drive one block. If you can do that, you have done very very well - and you must tell yourself - " gee, I drove a block and didn't freak out, and, I don't care who is looking out their windows, they don't know what I am doing - I could just be checking out my wheel alignment or listening to a tape, etc." I used to have them on the way to work, sometimes having to pull over three or four times before actually getting to work. Really painful. But, life goes on. (Did I tell my employer about my anxiety attacks? Yes. Did it effect how they felt about me? I think so. That is another discussion). So, no matter how small the endeavor is to try and control the anxiety attack/agoraphobia/depression - for those of us who suffer a great deal from those aforesaid disorders, we must consider that 'any' successful effort, ever so small as you may think it is, you must consider it a triumph!!!! Bye for now, Maria

Tank, can you tell us what prompted this question? What are your thoughts about whether you should drive or not? -- Anne-Marie, Site Administrator

Thats amazing news suzy! Strength must run in your family. I wish i could give your son a big hug, i'm so proud of him! It sound like he really looks up to you. I think you're right, challenges have a purpose. It sounds like your family is in a really great place, doing a lot of healing. Thats so heartening. Have a great vacation! p.s. You've never said much about your husband, although he sounds wonderful. Just out of curiosity, how does he deal with the setbacks that you and your son are coming out of? Hope thats not too personal, i'm just curious.

bETH...Many times when I was working, I found that I just couldn't get the ambition(don't know if thats what I really mean) to go to work. I think maybe it wasn't the type of job I had confidence in doing; but while AT work, I did well, and loved dealing with clients. But I would look for any reason under the sun not to go on particular days, and to this day, dond't know why. I think I ws intimidated by my boss. I find it really hard working for women, and not measuring up. Aster the hostage taking, I was on long term didability and never returned to that job. Too much stress and not knowing who would be coming in the door next. After 6 years of not working, I stil find it hard to go to that Crdit Union without getting panicy and clostrophobic. Dealing at another Branch now and find it very easy to go in there so it must have been that particular situation that scared me away. But now the sun is shining, 2 days before our 10th Anniversary. Went out and got my lovey-hubby his gift and ready to leave for that vacation. Life sure takes a lot of twists and turns, but I think we are given those challenges from above to strengthen us to carry on. // By the way, spent some time with my youngest son yesterday and he is sooo improving with his drug addiction. Told me he didn't want to ride me for favors and not try to use me anymore, so he's learning every day. Lots of family and friends praying for him and he is so thankful for that. But I'm afraid he's become a shopaholic for clothes. Never had many, because he put all his money up his arm, but rather lots of clothes than bad things. I thank God every day for his progRess and it helps me with my Disorder as well. Lots of love around this place today. LOVE and good wishes to you, and God's speed in your finals. LUV, SUZY. :)

Like you Suzy, i also find driving very relaxing. However, i have had panic attacks in the car, and i usually pull over, just b/c during a panic attack i tend to get really dizzy. When i started my new job this year, there was one point i passed on my way to work that always caused anxiety for some reason (b/c i was really afraid to go to work). It got to the point where i would measure how much anxiety i would have in one day just by how i felt driving past this point. If i had a lot of anxiety then, i would probably feel the same way for the rest of the day. EVERY single day of work i missed this year b/c of panic, was when i drove past that point, and had to turn around. If i could make it past there, i knew i'd be fine. Now this point does not cause me panic, b/c i no longer associate the two. I've also found other ways to take to work, which often means leaving a little earlier just to avoid driving past this point. I do this on days when i wake up with anxiety. Isn't that bizarre? Can anyone relate?

Tank... I find that when I'm depressed or have had an anxiety attack, I get i the car and drive because thats where I relax the most. I love to drive and I can keeep my mind ON the driving and all the bad thoughts and feeelings go away. I find it very relaxing. I know some people find driving a trigger for them as they are afraid they will get lost more than anything else. That happened to me once. On my waya the the shrink's ofice (know the way like the back of my hand), I got really lost. Just drove around till I got my bearings and continued. Only 5 min. late for my appointment. He expected that to happen at least once. No big deal. I've learned not to worry about getting lost any more. That was a big trigger for me, and no longer afraid to ask for directions if needed. there is always a way out and to home. Hope this helps. LUV, SUZY.