Hey,
I dont know whether anyone else feels this, but what with my fear of illness, being paranoid i'm seriously ill or dying.. i feel like i'm losing touch with reality.
I'm getting to the point where i dont know whats real and whats not. At my worse times i go to the doctors because i cant take it anymore, and i really must annoy them. Because guaranteed its all in my head! All the time, its my mind playing tricks on me!!!
But then a few weeks ago i felt really strange all the time, and i thought it was in my head again, until i couldnt take it, went to the doctors and found out i was running a fever and was genuinely ill!!! How can i tell the difference if its real or not? I cant go to see a doctor everytime i feel terrible, because that would be several times in a week!! I really dont know what to do anymore.
How can i distinguish between whats real and whats not? Does anyone else have this problem?
I feel like i've been seperated from everyone else, always carrying fear and panic with me everywhere i go. Feel like i'm losing the few friends i have, annoying my family and just losing grip on my whole life! I'm sorry this is a bit of a sob story, but at the moment i just feel so down.
I want to be the person i was 2 years ago, before my first panic attack. Since then everything has been different. I know i'm just having a rough patch at the moment, but that doesnt change the fact that i feel so lost. i try and stay positive but i can only keep it up for so long, there comes a point when the mask has to come off. I want to be like i was before all of this!! The person i have become.. i feel like she is just a disappointment, not just to my family and friends, but to me aswell. this isnt who i really am
dont know if im makin sense anymore, and i feel like i've gone off on a tangent. sorry
Sarah xx
