nurseboy , you are obviously very creative, you wouldn't be able to come up will all of those obesseive thoughts if you weren't creative. My doctor told me to take my creativity and do something constructive with it when I'm have crazy obessevive thoughts. For instance,I was terrified for awhile that I was going to go crazy and kill my kids like that woman who drowned her five kids did. I didn't tell my doctor about that for along time and when I finally did she laughed and said the next time you start freaking yourself out with that thought, say to yourself ,ell even though I'm having the thoughts about killing them I'm not going to do that right now, but I do have to make them dinner. What can I prepare for them that would be creative? That way my mind gets occupied and my creativity gets channeled into something positive. Everyone tells me I should be a shrink, but I could never do it, because I would take on the symptoms of everyone that comes into to my office for help. I think that's called residency snydrome. Maybe you have something similar to that now. Your job is very stressful, not only is it physically hard it is mentally and emotionally draining. I think most people would not be able to handle it. You see alot of trauma and maybe all of your obessesions and fear is stemming from what you do all day,maybe your mind feels better dealing with the I'm gonna go crazy or get schizophrenia thoughts rather then thinking about the little kid who has cancer or was in a car crash. Just a thought , but I've got to say I have alot of respect for you it takes a special person to do what you do.