Thanks everyone! Your insights are encouraging and the support is appreciated. Right now, I am proceeding with this job. There will be a lot of time and training between now and when I start actual work. I'm hoping and guessing I'll be OK by then. I'm going to have to be, as I don't have many other prospects. : )
I tried to post a reply twice but the system was not working. I hope you are doing well and just wanted to say this is not an easy decision regarding taking a job or not.
I think you answered your own question to it when you said, "Logically, when I'm not in a panic, I would say that this line of work is not for me and that I shouldn't be ashamed of that".
Right now I am in the midst of a setback OR I am about to make a good decision. I have verbally (I haven't done the paperwork yet) committed to a part-time job working with an "at-risk" young man with co-occurring behavioral disorders. I would be assisting in his treatment and therapy. I have a teaching and special education background and have done this kind of work before. I have been "successful" in that my clients/students have improved, thanks to my work and they, and their parents, have valued my efforts. This coupled with the demand for such employees, makes me quite marketable. However, on a good day, I am stressed while doing this work. On a bad day I am terrified and in a state of dread. I have found that I am very empathic. I tend to adopt the moods and mentality of those around me. It's one of my biggest strengths and one of my biggest weaknesses. Which is why these positions terrify me so. Plus, I was assaulted by a client once and that has weighed heavily on my feelings about working in this line of work.
So, my question is when is "avoidance" maladaptive and when is it "practical"? Logically, when I am not in panic, I would say that this line of work is not for me and that I shouldn't be ashamed of that. Logically, I also need the money and should do whatever I can to get it. Emotionally, I feel guilt and shame for avoiding this and wish I felt differently. I beat myself up for not being stronger.
I don't know what to do. So, I have put off my filling out of paperwork by one week. I'm hoping to figure this out by then.
