Hi Carmie and Sunny and everyone,
I hope you guys are still online. I have been on the phone trying to find a Doctor today. I called my current one and he is on vacation till next week, the secretary said "I do not understand why you are calling today, if you had chest pains fourteen hours ago why did you not go to ER" I tried to explain my husband was upset, and she said "If I was having chest pains that would be the last thing on my mind" She does not understand my husband go so mad last night at me, he threw his work pants across the room and said "I am so sick of this I need a break I am going to leave" that got me so upset I let the ER go, the last thing on earth I want is for him to leave with my son and me be alone, then I would not survive. I am glad the pain went away finally.
I woke this morning very very chilled, I was freezing and the house was 79 degrees?! I dont know what that was about, I think it finally hit me I actually was laying on someones tree lawn at nine o'clock at night with chest pain and two out of control dogs, today I am very nervous, my heart is skipping beats and my arm hurts but I am trying NOT to dwell on the symtoms as Davit and CBT says, its very hard through, I called the new Doctor and they are going to call me back to see if they take the HMO opposed to the PPO insurance, my one pleasure in life and my day is too walk my dogs and now I am afraid too, what if the chest pains come back? I have been walking my dogs for two years and that never ever happened, in fact I feel better when I walk and afterwards, do you think I have been so stressed out over my therapist and ovarian cancer that I have hurt my heart?? My pressure last night was 124/83 and my husband said that was normal is cardioligist told him, that calmed me a little seeing it was not sky-high. I am trying so hard to forget about last night, I want to walk again through.
I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown! I do not know whats physical or emotional anymore. I do not want to spend five hours in ER again and ask them what is wrong and they say, after all those hours "we dont know" its expensive and scary. I have been doing the PMR and box breathing as Sunny and Carmie suggested, that helps a little and praying very very hard, it almost seems like, and I hope this does not sound strange, I feel like such a hopeless helpless case only God can help me, the medical professionals have really let me down, and my husband is livid I am going back down again. What do you do? where do you go when the CBT and meds dont help? those two things are the only things that help I have read, and therapy, as you know did not go well at all, that is all there is CBT, meds and therapy, am I one of the one's that just will not get well? that thought is so unbearable, I think those chest pains during my walk really set me back, its the only time I leave the house and exercise I know is supposed to be wonderful. Do you ever get chest pains when you run Carmie? Maybe I should just take one dog at a time, they pull terribly, and right before the chest pain started my one dog was pulling me horribly, maybe I pulled some chest muscles, I am hoping that is what it is, I do not want to have a heart attack, my therapist said Monday, depression and anxiety will cause heart problems, I cannot believe he said that! he knows my phobias, well that is a moot point anyway, I am never going too see him again, and its for the best I guess. I realize he cannot help me.
Do you all think that I am a lost cause? I dont want anyone to be frustrated or mad at me, you guys on this site, along with my aunt are my lifeline, but so far away. I am so happy youre dentist appt went well Carmie, you relaxed and that is good! and that story Sunny gave me hope, and I hope you get the rest Red you need, you have all been so wonderful too me.
I must sound like a basket case. I do not want to have a heart attack or nervous breakdown, I am so scared about an appt with a GYN my Aunt thinks that this is what it is all about, I am trying to find one open in the evening and that is not easy, I guess I better deal with the heart issue first then worry about the ovary pain. I really got over that "heart attack phobia" for months and with that chest pain last night its back, and the last thing I want is to give up my walks with my dogs, its what I live for and keeps me going. Is there hope for me? has anyone been this bad and recovered? I pray that my day will come when I can write a success story, I hope I survive to do so.
