Hi Motorgurl,
Love your name! Sorry we have not met yet, not sure how long you've been here, I don't go on here regularly. but I've been a member for almost 2 years now. My main issue is fettering out what CBT can and can't do and I do appreciate all CBT can do for us. Then I point out what CBT can't do. So far no one has told me to leave for doing that so I appreciate this forum a lot! :)
I've been reading a lot about anger lately, which is also called "frustration", cranky, upset, irritated, etc...
So your post made me want to reply and suggest that reading about anger might help.
I can summarize a bit of what I have seen when I go online to read about anger.
There are a lot of sites that talk about anger management. Some of them are based on a belief that anger is bad and needs to be eradicated. I take this to mean, in the long run. If you are feeling angry, being told it needs to be eradicated can be invalidating and unhelpful.
Being irritated (getting into a fight with a cup, I am going to go on a limb and say you felt irritation or frustration at the cup for something) is a sign that something is wrong.
Feeling anger seems to mean there is something you need to change. For women it can be that at certain times of the month, you really need to rest and do some self care but other people / demands are not letting you. So you feel frustrated. Completely understandable frustration.
Anyway to summarize my post, I am suggesting reading about anger, but being cautious of believing sites that say "don't get angry" because that is (to me) impossible. Like saying "don't get hungry". Anger tells us we need something. We have to determine what it is we need and how to meet that need. I have even heard that its not always wise to quit smoking (a bad way of managing stress / anger) until we have a plan for how to deal with anger because smoking meets and emotional need. This is "new" thinking. "old" thinking is "just stop smoking" - without acknowleding what smoking does for us. I am just using smoking as an example (apparently a lot of us smoke to manage anger and I know that was true for me years ago).
When I have days where I am cranky I am getting better at saying to myself, ok, what do I need and how can I get it. Do I need time to myself? Am I lonely? And sometimes on good days I even find ways to meet those needs. On bad days my thoughts get self defeating. But CBT helps with self defeating thoughts like "my friends are too busy for me" and so on.
It looks simplistic to say "look for what you need and see if you can meet that need" but I have done it and even though saying it is easy, it is effective.
For me, when I am cranky, I often say "I need a 2 week vacation" but that is unrealistic so then I give myself an hour break from work instead, and it helps some. Lots of other people here have posted about how important it is to get those needs for self care met too so I know it is not just me.
I sure hope this helps some.
