I don't know what my deal is, but it seems that before most of my shifts, I tend to panic and have a really hard time getting myself under control. I work a low stress, fairly easy job in my field that I am studying in. The place I work does have negative attitudes, but other than that, there is nothing wrong and I don't know why I always have to manage my panic attacks when I go there. I am working in a few hours for black Friday, and yes, that is a stressful day, but still I am in a security position and really need to chill out.
This program has helped me a lot, but I am only about half way through the program and there are times where my anxiety levels when I am going to work are off the charts (like now) and it's not like I can just call off for having panic attacks. I have had times where it got so bad I felt like I was going to black out and it went on for hours. I don't want my coworkers to see me like this, and I have had to tell some of my managers about my disorder so they don't think that I'm hung over or on drugs. It's so imbarressing!
I just hope that this monkey business stops before I actually have to go in. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not panicked about. I have learned so much from this program, and it has helped a lot, but I still have a ways to go ... (crossing fingers that it's going to be ok). I can't wait until this chapter of my life with panic disorder is behind me! Ug, I want to have a normal life so badly, and I am getting there, slowly but surely :)
Tanya