Hi Sunhot: Sounds like you are on top of things. Going to your doc. is definitely smart, discussing meds. etc. Maybe now it is just a matter of time, patience. You will get stronger physically and emotionally. Keep enjoying the good things in life and keeping happy, positive thoughts. You've been through a lot. The bad times will fade.
Hugs...i don't know, i guess i could channel everything i have into my studying, work and my music but other than that no. summer is coming though and i generally love swimming and having a good time so hopefully i will be able to get back to some normality. as for the underlying condition, i cant for the life of me figure out if there is something else getting to me, i have isolated and eradicated 2 major problems, the last one is my health, which i am working on, i exercise everyday except sunday, i am becoming more physically fit. losing weight, gaining muscle, eating right and sleeping regularly (with the aid of sleeping pills) the only thing i can think of is the fact i take meds, that stops me from getting 'back to normal'. i have appt with doc coming up net week, i really want off the sleeping pills the paxil i can wait for a bit.
Sunny, i never replied to your question, i cant taper down as i am on the minimum doseage possible, i am super sensitive to medication, i experience periods of mania on 10mg of paxil, i have to skip a day every few days to avoid that.
thanks for all your support everyone!!! i found a punching bag...i released some fury, it felt good eveen though i had to deal with a really high heartbeat after and and adrenaline coursing through my body but i survived and feel much better for it
Good morning Sunhot: Sounds like you are moving forward. You are learning through this journey to your goal. I've visualized an ex. and told him everything I wanted to - and some. Didn't feel better right away, there is a grieving time I think when something ends, but it's good to get this off your chest. Hang in there and keep the faith. Keep posting and thanks for the update.
As for the meds. maybe you can discuss this with your doc. - if a little tweak is needed, maybe you can taper the strength a little? if your brain feels slow.
"the potential for me to have a great and wonderful exists, i can feel
it, i can see it but i can't quite get there at the moment."
I hope I'm not oversimplifying, but if you can chop off that bit that reads, "but I can't quite get there at the moment." you're well on your way. Or at least understand that maybe you can't be there at that moment, but you WILL get there! Kind of like driving a car to somewhere. You get so far, then you can actually see the place, there it is! At that moment in time, you are not there yet. But you will be! That's something to be proud of.
Everything I'm saying goes for me too! I feel the same way a lot of the time. So hang on, we can get there!
Aw sunhot... be gentle with yourself. You took a huge postive step in writing that letter... facing all those emotions... give yourself credit. Sometimes when we take a really big emotional step... there is a natural fallout... a feeling of slipping backwards... maybe even self sabotage... but it isn't slipping backwards... it's a call (perhaps scream) from our coreselves admitting.... damn this hurts... I'm exhausted. Remember to B R E A T H E sweetie. You've lost no ground. Honest. I can see it in what you write. Are you doing your mood trackers? Sometimes they really help when you need to see where you have been and where you are going. It's a process.... <sigh>
