I have had panic / anxiety my entire life. I took Paxil for 7 years and decided I was cured - of course I felt cured. The meds took care of my symptoms but did not take care of the cause. I quit the Paxil and went through horrendous withdrawals. After about a month, I got past the withdrawals and tried dealing with the panic myself. After a few months of that, I just wanted to end it. I have kids and I had to live for them. I was so lost and out of desperation, started searching the web for help because I couldnt afford therapy. I found this website and it quite literally saved my life in more ways than one! I worked the CBT program dilligently and realized that I could finally sit without twitching. I could go outside without feeling like passing out. I came back to life and felt so strong! Most importantly, I could sit and just breathe and feel comfortable in my skin without racing thoughts.
My trigger has always been heart flutters. During my time of discovering my strength, I got over this fear. The flutters didn't stop, but the way I reacted to them did. I started exercising every day. I got to a point where I was walking for 1 to 1 1/2 hours every day and I did yoga every morning. I lost 92 pounds and felt so good!! This went on for about two years.
About six months ago, my heart flutters started increasing. Especially while I was walking and got to a point that it would justs go nonstop while I was walking and then would stop with rest. Didn't spark my anxiety, but I thought, maybe I'm overdoing it and went to my Dr. She was listening to my heart when I had a flutter and put me on a 30 day holter monitor and sent me to a cardiologist. They did a stress test and an echo and told me that my heart is really strong. Of course it is - I exercise every day and eat healthy! Then, they had me come back after the 30 days was up on the monitor, which was going off by itself several times every day and quite often during the night. After they read all the recordings, they told me that I have a sinus tachycardia, which means the top two chambers don't beat at the same rate as my bottom two chambers, causing it to misfire (flutter) to catch up with itself. They said this is no big deal and not dangerous. But, there was one reading that they were very concerned with. A heart surgeon told me that the one reading shows signs of super ventricular tacchycardia and he wants to do an EP Study so they can find the pathway that is causing the problems and burn it so it won't cause any more rhythm problems. I started hyperventilating and even though he tells me over and over and over that this is not dangerous and has a 95% success rate and will solve the problem completely, I am freaked out.
I talked to him about this two months ago and will have the surgery in February. I find myself avoiding again. I'm avoiding exercise. I haven't really walked in probably two months. I yoga maybe once or twice a week now instead of daily. I avoid cleaning the house because it makes my heart race, which makes it flutter, which is causing me to panic again. Although my panic is nowhere near as bad as before, the general anxiety is creeping up on me again and the total panic rears it's ugly head when the flutters occur.
I refuse to take medications. I am determined to not let this take me down that path again but I feel like it is coming. I want to do this surgery even if there is a chance they won't find anything to fix and I will live with this the rest of my life. More than anything, I want to walk again without fear of the flutters.
I am so frustrated.
