I have had to deal with anxiety disorders for a very long time now. I don't state this to depress anyone. I truly believe there is help for this and that there is recovery from this. I have seen it in my own life. I got better. I am better. I still am who I am, with my flaws and my strengths. I still have to manage my stress. But I am better. I have a life, a good one. My life is generally happy. I feel better. I live!
I was in my early teens when I was diagnosed with GAD and PD. Then it got worse and I also became agoraphobic. Then I got depressed. There was a time where I was incapable of leaving my house. I wasn't working or going to school. I was very isolated. I was terrified of being alone so my husband had to baby-sit me all the time. He would actually call my mom to come see me so he could go out when it was too bad. I had so many panic attacks a day I stopped counting. It felt like my days were just one big panic attack from the moment I woke up to when I went to bed. I was so depressed by it all I could not manage the basics of daily life. I had no energy to bathe or eat or do anything. Everyday, just breathing and surviving my day was my success. I was in the dark and I had no hope. At that point I just wanted a miracle drug. I wanted someone to come and save me because I felt overwhelmed and like I couldn't cope anymore. The anxiety was at a fever pitch and was unbearable.
But slowly and surely I understood some basic principles that saved my life!
1. I have control over my anxiety. I can save myself. I am the knight in shining armour of my own story. People cannot save me if I don't want to be saved, or if I don't try to save myself. But if I try they can help. I am the one who has to save myself. I am the one who has to challenge my thoughts, go to therapy, do the Panic Center program, etc. But the beauty of it is, I CAN SAVE MYSELF! I realized I was not the poor little princess who needed saving, I was the knight in shining armour. I am the warrior! Also, I have control over the anxiety. I can decide how much it affects my life. I can decide if I challenge it or not. Marcus Aurelius had understood this he said "Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking." Finally he said: « If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. ». William James figured that out too, he said: « The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind. ». This wisdom has been discovered and rediscovered throughout history. It is a wisdom that has changed my life. Thought challenging does work. Changing your perception can change your life!
2. I had to learn acceptance. I do believe PD can go away and never come back. But I had to accept that in my case it would be different. I had to redefine recovery for myself. I had to accept that in my life, recovery meant I had a good life. It meant that I had control over the anxiety and not the other way around! I had to accept that panic attacks would happen and that it was ok. Once I accepted that I got the power back! My panic attacks only have as much power over me as I give them. If I say they are horrible and it is the end of the world if I have one, it will be! If I say it is a bad time but it will pass and I will move on, that changes everything. Accept and I can go on and take away the power the PA have over me! But resisting for me made it worse. As Eckart Tolle said: « If you resist, it persists! »
3. Finally be present to your life, to yourself to your present moment. I cannot change the past. I cannot do anything about the future. But I can affect change in my present. It is in the present moment that I have power. My place of power, of control is in the Present moment. It is the only place and time that I can live and exist! I learned that in the book « The Power of Now » by Eckhart Tolle. It changed my life. I can’t even begin to explain al I have learned from it.
There are many more lessons I have learned in my life. These are just three little lessons I have learned and I learned the hard way! I thought I would share this with you. Sorry for the novel! I am an insomniac and I am rambling. Please share whatever you like in this thread, tips or life lessons of your own. The more we share what was useful to us, the more we can help each other.
and hey, not fighting it as much is a wonderful way to get there!
