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Rough night.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 150

Hi Diva,

In work just now so can't ramble. But it's all going very well.

I'm 19.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2101

HEllo DB,

I am glad that what I had to say made sense to you. I know how bad this anxiety thing can get and how easy it is to get really irrational about it. I have had similar thoughts about heart attacks and such. Boy, it is no fun. But I really do believe you have all the tools not only to deal with this but to move on. By moving on I don't mean go on as if you never had this, I mean go on knowing it is ok you have had this experince. I mean go on knowing that you are stronger for it and that whatever happens you are ok. For me this was key to recovery. Knowing some times will be rough and I will be anxious and I will get all sorts of funky symptoms but I will be ok. I accept my anxiety and PAs and myself. Anyway, I am rambling sorry.

It gets easier. Just tuesday during the night I had a PA. I hadn't had one in months! I started panicking and my whole body went wild. Then I just stopped resisting and accepted that this was happening to me and that it was ok and I reminded myself it would pass and I would be ok. Funny thing is after that my body kept going crazy during a little while but I felt ok, much calmer inside my mind. I remembered to breathe properly and just waited for it to pass. It really wasn't so bad at all. If you resist it persists, so I accepted. Worse part is till I wrote this down to show you it gets easier, I hadn't even given it one thought since it happened. Not one single one. It gets better.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Not sure I am making sense it is late lol.

I guess what I truely wanted to say is how are you?

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 466

Dark: You're already coming out stronger. It's the same as training for the Olympics, you can train real hard to be the best, to the point where your confidence is doubtless...but once your event comes, anxiety will creep in and make things wobbly. Anxiety is inevitable for everyone, but it's affect on you, particularly now with the tactics you know to overcome it, is purely up to you. Stay focused on the light, I have complete faith in you.

Gene: Thanks, man. And I gotta admit, if some powerlifting medical scientist came through my screen to hug me at my toughest point, I'd probably scream like a little girl (rofl @ that thought). But I'd also probably forget about my anxiety troubles...and be more focused on changing my underpants

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 150

Thank you to everyone.

And Diva, it made perfect sense. Moreso than you probably can imagine. Thank you.

It's true that when I do start to feel panic again, I revert to irrationality until my logic kicks in.

I've had heart flutterings and chest pains for the past two days, and my automatic thoughts were to panic and irrationalise them. Thinking they were some kind of heart problem - but I have had these before, and they went.

I do have to recognise that there's a lot going on in my life just now, and it's OK for it to be a shock to my system. I'm working through it and will come out stronger for it.

Thank you all again.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 187

Joe I really like this one. "Empathy is the strongest tool you can receive, and the hardest to get."

Brilliant! It really is true. There are times when I read peoples posts and I just want to teleport through the screen and give em a hug (which would probably scare the hell out them lol). I would never have felt this way before my own panic.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 466

When it comes down to it, as shown by it seems everyone here (myself included), there really are people willing to understand, or at least willing to work with us.

Glad you experienced another PA, and got through it, Dark! When those moments hit me now, I remind myself it's temporary. It helps, if nothing else it helps stop the incoming barrage of negativity that comes with a PA. Moments like that remind me what I once went through daily, and what others are going through now. Empathy is the strongest tool you can receive, and the hardest to get.

Keep it up Dark, you're doing what you can...and what you can do only builds with each success.

Cheers!

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 313

Hi DB

Well I can say I've been there done that... and it does suck when you think you've forever rid yourself of them and them boom they are back. I went 5 or 6 years without one so I was quite devastated by my setback...

I think though you need to accept that the anxiety is a part of you.... Like many things it can lie dormant or not give you any problems and then one day it "flares" up. Why it flares up is what we need to learn to focus on. The panic is your body telling you it's got too much going on.. Look at what you've been through in the last while. Tremendous change has occurred and a result your body reacted. Some people get migrains, others get ulcers, we get panic.

You, like myself appear to have all the knowledge and tools and are able to help others but when it comes to ourselves we don't show nearly enough understanding or patience. Instead we become disappointed in ourselves. As the years have gone on for myself my focus has changed. It's not about eliminating it or beating it anymore, its about living with it. Like living with diabetes.. I do all that I can lifestyle wise, I educate myself the best I can and I surround myself with people I trust and love. Most importantly I allow myself to be imperfect... For myself medication has helped tremendously, but only after exhausting all options and only when I started to believe that it could help me and knowing I still had a lot to do with my well being. There is no such thing as a happy pill.. too bad :). Even with all that though I know that it can and probably will come back. I've had setbacks with both my babies ... I believe due to hormones and probably being a woman will have them again as I continue to change... The joys of getting older..LOL.. I now know though that these are probabilities and I just accept them.

It's not always easy and I too feel a sense of disappointment and dread when it happens but I thank my lucky stars that I have the tools and resources (you guys) to bounce my zany thoughts off of.

You have been a source of inspiration and strength to me through your posts and your maturity level is beyond your years. Maybe though it's time to slow down and stop putting so much personal pressure on yourself. You're great the way you are...and give yourself the gift of time... It does wonders... Enjoy the little things and focus on your small achievements which really are big... Working part time is great! It's what works for you physically. As for the money thing...it's the same for all of us. Be grateful that you have someone who can help you out and take advantage of the grace period it will give you to work on being "well"..

Ok.. gotta turn off my mom mode and stop blabbing...

Take care DB... hope this made sense. :)

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 2101

Hiya DB,

I just wanted to say I know how it feels to wish that the PA wouldn<t come back ever! Bizarely it is when I accepted them in my life that I started feeling better! Somehow It took away the power they had to define me or my life! So hang in there!

I think it is great that your boss is understanding. And that you spoke to him. Please let us know how it goes.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 187

Ja. Vent away.

I suppose the whole world is suffering with financial problems so at least you are not alone :)

I am really glad your boss was understanding. It is great to have somebody like that in charge. My wife was very fortunate to have understnading bosses when she suffered from depression. They gave her leave wthout any conditions.

Problem for you regarding therapy would be the whole financial thing. I have had to pay cash for therapy which has been a tremendous burden. I had ask myself though- how much is my sanity and mental well being worth to me? I had just got a new and better job when the panic began so I was fortunate to be able to afford the treatment but that might not be the case for you.

Regarding your mindstate I liked the quote on the session diary the other day- a positive attitude is just as easy to obtain as a negative one. I guess we all just need to find it. I have resorted to meds. But obviously you can do it without them.

Sounds like you still have control of your panic so again- well done.

for 16 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1693

darkblue,

It makes complete sense that you distract your mind from worry. And....vent away! That's what we're here for.

It is great that you were able to challenge your negative thoughts. You thought about your heart giving up, and then challenged these thoughts by telling yourself that your thoughts were irrational. Good for you!! Keep it up, and I don't think there will be a need for therapy

Breanne, Bilingual Health Educator

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Rough night.