I know i've written about this befoe and so have others, but it's happening again.
I've had touches of anxiety the last few weeks. Then I had my vacation from June 23-July 2. All went well as we visited family in Maryland and New Jersey and went to a Mets game in New York.
We flew back to Florida from Maryland and had a few extra days to relax on the weekend.
The whole vacation I had these cramps below my chest (most likely because of anxiety). I also had an anxiety and nearly a panic attack when the stadium got loud. I feared the place might explode for some odd reason.
I also was upset that when I weighed myself on my aunt's scale that I was about 184. I am better at 175, which is where I got myself down to since then.
Then, I had to go back to work, and the anxiety started again.
It's like I'll be sitting there and I can feel these chemical changes happening to me and I just let them happen. I do have negative thoughts, but I have been mostly able to keep them at bay.
Then this week I had strong anxiety at work again, and at home last night I had a really bad anxiety attack.
I had more cramps during the day and felt it might be something seriously wrong (hypoconriac that I am).
We were watering the lawn and I started thinking about mortality and then all these other negative thoughts like time, death and space-time kept coming at me. My mind was racing.
I then went inside to do a little yoga, but the obsessive thoughts (OCD) would not go away. I was afraid go into the next room without the med I take for emergencies. Finally, I took a half and then the other half. It made me groggy, but I then felt under control.
I still feel groggy today, but I got through the night.
I really hate anxiety, depression and OCD. I wish it would go away forever, but it's something chemical and I have lived with it for so long.
Maybe the vacation to my childhood locations jogged some past fears. We went there because I wanted to show my wife where I grew up. It's also where my Mom died when she was 39 and I was 10.
We did also visit where she is buring in New Jersey.
Anyway, I needed to vent my frustration, so there it is.
Thanks for listening.
David
