Hello; I am not sure if my latest experience with anxiety, panic and depression can be labeled as a setback, but I have been feeling rotten. I last posted earlier this month and since then I have been doing fairly well. That was until I had some anxiety and obsessive thoughts over the past 2-3 weeks. But that's an everyday occurance for most who suffer with anxiety, panic and depression. But then it happens again and it's almost like it was the first time I experienced any of this and it seems like the world is ending. So I would say it really started coming on strong earlier this week. My wife has started teaching again. This signifies the official end of Summer for us. I don't know what feels worse, her going back to school or knowing she's off for much of the summer and I have to work. She started a new school this year and is doing really well. At times, I seem to feel very far away from her because now I drive out closer to the city of Orlando to work (halway to where she used to work) and her school is just 15 minutes away in our same town. I also have been having just general anxiety because of chemical changes in my body. I am not sure if everyone has this, but I will have times where I actually feel change happening in my body and a period of anxiety (much like my current one) soon follows. Some of the feelings I have now are derealisation, paranoia, depression, obsessive-compulsive, restlesness and 2 nights of trouble sleeping. This all leads to panic. I nearly had a lenghty panic attack at work on Friday. I had trouble sleeping last night. I woke up at like 3:30 and had to take 5 mg of diazepam to help get back to sleep. On Friday, I was doing fine at my desk and then I had to use the bathroom and while in there I just started having all these bad thoughts. Much of them about mortality and bad things happening. To put things in perspective, It seems odd that 5 days ago I was agonizing over the New York Mets blowing a game in extra innings to the San Diego Padres, and the past few days I am obsessing over silly things that I should not be obsessing over. I know these feelings and symptoms are all part of the package we call anxiety, panic and depression, but I'd like to drop a few of them. LOL OK, That's enough for now. My usual venting last a bit longer, but I had a lot to say, as you can see. Thanks for being good listeners and supporters, David

Hiya Wrestler! I am glad that things are slowly getting better for you :) Please keep us posted on how you are doing :) Hope you are having a lovely day :) -Diva

Dear wrestler1, I am glad that things are slowly getting a little better for you. I am alot like you. Ever since I was very young I have thought about mortality. People thought I was such an odd child to be thinking such serious thoughts. It all started when our cat was run over and got me overthinking the whole situation. I won't go into details because I do not want to upset people but that was the beginning for me. When loved ones passed away I had a terrible time of it. What I do to try and cope is (now this is not for everyone so I do not expect others to try it or believe in it) pray. My faith has been fairly shaky and some people would not think I am a very good example of a christian but it has helped me to deal with the anxiety, and deal with the losses in my life. Like I said this is not for everyone but it has helped me have something, anything to believe in. It makes me feel less alone. Does it solve everything? Not by a long shot but it has seen me through some difficult times. I'm sorry if this does not help but it's all I have got and if does not offend you I would like to mention you in my prayers.

Thanks for the reply, Diva. It really helps a lot. I've done much better since the other day. It gets scary sometimes when you feel unsafe at work and then becomming panicky. I've often had this problem over the years. I worked at a newspaper for 7 years and my desk was far away from any way outside. The same goes for my current job. Since my latest panic moment, I've had two good workouts, I've actually managed to get two days of productive work behind me, study some more for my fitness certification and also helped move my wife's school things into her new school yesterday. She'll be working 15 minutes from home instead of over an hour away. She's nervous, but it'll work out much better. It's amazing how our minds can give us such strength and joy, but also be so clouded with bad thoughts that make us panic. I like the 1st part of this sentence the best. :) David

Hiya Wrestler! Thank you for sharing that with us, that was very moving. I just wanted to say I hope theese thoughts pass quickly for you. Having annoying thoughts non-stop can be a real drain, I can't imagine how bad it can be with OCD. Does thought challening help with that at all in your experience? Anyway, I just wanted to say I think you are very brave. When I have a panic attack somewhere all I want to do is run like the wind and go anywhere but where I was. I really admire you for how you stick it out! Anyway, thanks for sharing with us and vent away here anytime :) -Diva

So I've been doing not so bad, and some days really good. A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were watched "LOST" on DVD. Not sure who watches on here and who doesn't. There was an episode from season one where one character died and a new baby was born in the same few minutes. I startd crying because it brought back a memory of the day after my mother died in 1976 (I was 10). I was upstairs in my room with my cousin and I remember asking her if her sister's new baby is coming into the world because my mother died. I could not hold it any longer and I started crying fully, and my wife wondered what was wrong. I said I would tell her when I am able. So she waited and comforted me. About 10 minutes later I was able to tell her. This was such a strong feeling. I had not cried like this since I stayed home from work one day in 2005 for fear of having a panic attack. I cried that day because I felt I let my wife down. Anyway, I have had a lot of trouble NOT thinking about mortality lately and it really bothers me a lot. I really love life and have never been happier with anyone before. My wife is so wonderful. But these obtrusive thoughts of the reality I will actually be dead some day really get in the way of having fun. I am only 40, and will be 41 on August 6th. I plan to live a long time, but it's so scary sometimes to not be able to stop thinking about being mortal. I've had these thoughts on and off since childhood and I thought it would get easier. I am sure having OCD is what makes it so hard to NOT think about it. I had a panic attack at work yesterday and it was because of whacky thoughts. It was about 2:30 p.m. I ended up taking 1 1/2 valium (7.5 mg) I took a 5 mg one today at lunch and things worked out better. OK, I will end this post, but I needed to vent once again. I hope no one else is haunted by the thoughts I am haunted by so often. Thanks

Hiya Wrestler, I am sorry you had such a hard time. Those days are really tough and draining. I am glad that you are feeling a bit better tho and that your trip went well.I really admire you, I have soo much trouble travelling...And stadiums wow! Anyway, just wanted to say hang in there and I hope this passes quickly for you! -Diva

Thanks everyone for your comments and support. I had not posted here in a while and I felt doing so would get me back on an even keel. My wife had never seen New Jersey with me so I had this trip planned for a while, and I needed a vacation anyway. It was s much fun. We got to see my sister and her family, my brother and his family, my aunt and uncle and another uncle. Such trips used to be too scary for me as they'd bring up past memories that were too haunting for me. But this is different now because I am married to my true love and I anted to show her where I spent many happy years as a child. The fact that my mother died when I was ten is one of the biggest reason retracing my youth has been hard at times. I had been having anxious moments before the trip, but not because of the trip. For the plane ride, I took 5 mg of diazepam there and back. I wanted to do so because the last plane ride I took in 2004, I had a panic attack that led to more. But being back home last week, I became a bit depressed and missed my brother and his family and also was stressed from work. Then my mind starts to wander, like it did last night, and I was in a panic mode. I felt as if I was going to lose it. My mind was racing, etc. You know the drill. At one point I feared my mind might go blank. I hate that feeling. Anyway, today we had a nice day My parents visited. My dad has remarried since my Mom's death in 1976, and is very happy. I have a great relationship with my step Mom, and call her Mom. My wife is also very supportive. Another thing that is weird about last night's attack was that I have had several Saturday night panic attacks around the same time of night the last few years. I have no clue why. aturday is supposed to be a day of pleasure and rest. It's the only day of the week where you did not work and do not have to work the next day. One time I had one on a Saturday when we were going to Universal Studios in Orlando while driving with my wife. We were dating at the time. Maybe I should look into this Saturday thing. OK, that's it until next time. Work tomorrow and I have some working out to do. Thanks, David

Hi Wrestler, I too have been having a rough time of it. I guess anything can set people like us off. I admire that you were able to attend a game that was so crowded. I just went and saw the Transformer movie and had to take half an ativan so I could see it because I tend to freak out in movie theatres. My boyfriend likes to sit in the middle and if people sit on either side of me I feel trapped. I am going to try to get back on the program because I know I have not been working it as well as I could. I just get so fed up with the fear and worry all the time. Best wishes with all of this.

Wrestler, Sorry to hear you're having a rough time at the moment. It's quite possible that your trip and the presence of unexpected triggers and issues from the past may have triggered your panic cycle. Keep working at it. I know it's frustrating but you can get back on top. Employ your coping strategies and don't forget to keep us posted. Danielle ____________________ The PC Support Team