Thank you so much! I am so grateful for all of you.
I had a hard day today though. I couldn't get to sleep for nearly 3 hours last night, and then when I finally fell asleep I only slept for about 4 and a half hours. I am getting SO anxiety ridden when I go to sleep, or when I notice I am still not asleep- and upon awakening. I think because I was tired all day I scared myself and mistook the feelings of exhaustion as being in some 'dream-like' state or psychosis. Naturally, I panicked a lot on and off because of these thoughts. It's hard to control the thoughts when my reality feels somewhat altered though, I think I may have been experiencing some derealization as well. I am very afraid of feelings that come with exhaustion and derealization. How do I keep myself from panicking when it all happens so quickly? I could be sitting on the couch and trying to float with the feelings, and it eventually works. Then I will get up to grab a snack or use the washroom, and BAM- I just get so scared of the floaty and surreal feelings on days like these. I know now that when I think I am losing it, I make it a million times worse. Still, sometimes it seems I don't even have time to form a bad thought, but am just naturally petrified by the feelings when I notice them again. Apparently I am completely coherent and my boyfriend thinks i am just scaring myself to no end by ruminating and making myself feel bed-ridden. I'm scared to move when I feel like this as I do not want to shake myself back into anxiety,fear and doom. Does anyone ever feel like this? I'm sorry for the long post but I am pretty afraid for myself. I just don't understand why I have to feel SO spaced out and floaty (I think it's more than just the exhaustion)... I feel like I could be completely calm or completely hysterical and fearful. It's like everything is perfectly fine but not at all- all at once. I am so much better at handling my attacks outside the home now, and I wish I could do the same at home. Any advice is welcome, please and thank you.
