Hey Alison!
Sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. :confuse: Busy, busy....
I'm the same way with wanting to get to the bottom of things. I have to know -why- about everything. I think a lot of us panickers are that way though. Maybe that's why we are panickers. Because we think too much about things, trying to figure
out why we feel that ping in our chest or why we get dizzy at the checkout line, etc....
I am not completely rid of panic but I feel like I have control of it more. I still have some pretty rough days. But, it isn't controlling me anymore. Since the CBT program on this website, I finally have weeks without even a slightest hint of anxiety! It's wonderful and I hope and pray that everyone here can achieve at least that if not get rid of it totally. For me, I think panic will never fully disappear. I think it's something we have to maintain. I could be wrong. I hope I'm wrong - it would be great to have it be completely gone.
I think I had a couple of turning points. One is the CBT on this website. I finally realized there was hope and I was not alone. That was the beginning for me. All those years, I thought I was just insane and there was no hope for recovery. After the CBT, I realized that it's not something physically in me - it's the way I perceive things. I noticed that everybody has dizzy spells and everybody has racing heart beats from time to time throughout the day. The difference was that they weren't dwelling on the reason and instead just saying, "huh, that was weird, oh well." Whereas I would have been more like, "this is it, I'm dying right now!" So, I started trying to take on that attitude instead and it truly has helped. I'm learning that attitude seriously is everything. Some days that's harder to remember - but it is true! That was the CBT turning point for me.
The other major turning point for me was that I found out some things about my childhood that completely turned me around and I realized why I had so many social phobias. I found out about three years ago that I was molested by a family friend when I was very young. I had always suspected this but wrote it off as an active imagination. I was so angry that I found out where he lived and I wrote him a few very angry letters.