Hi Tammy,
Sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad after doing well for such a long time. But I can honestly say I know how you feel. My panic comes alot when I'm driving. In fact, I had to make a 13 hr. trip from NJ to IN (had to, I was moving) and for weeks I was petrified. But I got a lot of good advice on here and I somehow made it throug. Some things that helped me were deep breathing and distractions. I started adding up the #'s on liscense plates to try to keep my mind busy. I also talked on my cell phone alot to a friend who completely understands my panic. I can't say I went the whole trip w/o panic but it was much better than I thought. I also know how you feel about thinking you're going to die. I am a 26 yr. old mom who, after the birth of my daughter 6 mo. ago, has become so consumed w/ the fact that I am going to die and leave my daughter here w/o a mother. When I get these thoughts, which come quite ofter, I try to tell myself that I've been feeling this way for years now, and I'm still alive! That usually helps control it temporarily but then I'll read something in the paper or see on tv about some disease that a person died from and I'll immediately think that I have it. Tammy, this panice disorder is so frustrating and so compromising to our sense of normalicy. But I know it is beatable. I know you said meds never worked for you. Have you ever tried Paxil? That is what I have found to work wonders for me, however, I stopped taking it while pregnant and haven't gotten back on it yet. Also, try working through the program on this website. I believe that may help you as well. Just hang in there and take things day by day. You will get better, just as you did before. Best of luck to you.
Kristen