Thank you both! I'm at my wits end right now. Even as I write this tears are streaming down my face. I am so worried, anxious, and plain "pissed off" that I can't see straight. If I only knew this was going to happen I could deal with it easier - I think. I feel used, and betrayed. I think the doctor's should warn "these" people's caretakers that this is going to happen. Not spring it on them.
Now I look forward to her coming home being a turnip. With her having seizures again, not only will she not remember from one minute to the next, but she won't be able to drive again. And having a "real" conversation is going to impossible. Why bother, when she won't remember anything I say.
I know it's not her fault, but I'm overwhelmed with frustration. I guess what I'm looking for is validation. Someone who can understand how MAD I am! Here I have had 6 months with her being seizure free, driving again, and actually have conversations that she remembers, to now having nothing but a couch potato that mumbles.
I know no one can help me, except me. I have considered looking into a visiting nurse. Someone who can watch her and stop her from bashing in her head when I have to go out. Someone who is capable of watching her. No family member wants this responsiblity, and I really can't blame them. Taking care of her is really intense.
I love her more than life itself, and I KNOW she loves me, but I'm tired. I am so exhausted I can barely function. And part of me feels if I was already "defunked" I could deal with this better. I suffer from PTSD so my anxiety is a constant. I rarely have breaks. And now with all of this I can barely function, but somehow I do. I have to. My daughter needs me.
I am going to see a doctor again this wednesday. I haven't had one in over 5 years. I hate doctors A LOT! But I think I need one, just in case. But I'm afraid that after this doctor sees me, she's going to say that I'm one of the biggest "nutcases" she's ever seen! Oh well!
Thanks again for your support! I'm sure I will be reaching out again when I can't take it anymore.
Thanks for being there!
Lorie
