Yesterday was my birthday. I went to bed last night and just cried and cried and cried because with every birthday I have, I am one year closer to my boys growing up and moving out. I'm only 33. My oldest is 14 (yes, I started young) and my other boy is 13. Logically, I know I still have another 5 or 6 years with them both and that I need to enjoy every single day I have with them and not obssess about the inevitable. But, I can't seem to stop thinking about how fast the last 14 years have gone by and that the next 5 or 6 years is going to be gone in a blink and it will be over.
I know that they need to grow up and be independent. I know that's the way nature goes. I know they deserve the joy of being on their own and making their own lives. But, I fear that I have put so much into being a mom that when they leave, although I will still be their mom, part of me will be gone forever. There will be nothing left for me. It will just be me and my husband (whom I absolutely adore) and there will be no life left in the house. My husband tells me that's nonsense because they will still be around and we will have grandkids and that I will see everything will still be good. I am excited of the thought of being a grandma, and of being young enough to have the energy to enjoy being a grandma and do fun things with grandkids, but they won't be here every day.
Part of me wants them to grow up and move on and have the chance to know what it's like to be an adult, living on their own, having their own lives. But the rest of me, wants to buy a big piece of land and build three houses on it - one for me, one for my older son and one for my younger son so they will always be around. I know that's selfish. I don't want to be a suffocating, over-protective mother so I know that's unreasonable. I guess I just don't want to let go of everything that has meant so much to me for so long.
Can anyone relate? Has anyone had to deal with the "empty nest" syndrome yet? Is there life after they move out? I know I'm just being stupid.
