[b]Cookie wrote:[/b] [quote] I understand what you mean about missing your normal life. I want my normal life back sometimes too. Something in that life led us here, though, so it's best to not look in the past but to look toward a brighter future and to live as happily as possible in the moment. [/quote] I think you have it right, cookie. We need to live in the present, and stay positive about the future. I ordered some biofeedback/meditation software/hardware the other day, should be arriving Thursday. My therapist thinks it will do me a LOT of good. I have to agree with her, since simple visualization exercises during the onset of panic attacks has already proven to work for me. Keep up the good attitude, cookie. We'll beat this thing! :)

Pizza*****, I understand what you mean about missing your normal life. I want my normal life back sometimes too. Something in that life led us here, though, so it's best to not look in the past but to look toward a brighter future and to live as happily as possible in the moment.

I took Xanax and Ativan off & on for 2 yrs. and I don't think I ever got physically addicted to it -= not sure. I was given a 10/month prescription and halved them until that didn't work so well. I only walkl on the treadmill for a minute when it starts happening - just enough to make myself realize that if I was having a heart attack that would make me worse. I don't know if this is good logic or not, but it has been helping. It's not like I am on there 30 minutes 4 times a day or anything (but my physique wishes!!!). :) I think it makes me breathe more properly, too, and helps me (a lot of anxiety sufferers suffer from hyperventilations syndrome which is a fancy way of saying we hold our breathe and can't cathc it properly once under stress, I think). I don't think the key is to talk positively while the attack is happeneing. The key is to talk positively and learn to relax and try to cope and be more positive in general about life all the other times. I think the best thing to do during an account is just to ride with it and do your best to get through it and know you aren't dying, but I know that it is hard. I think trying to be more active and positive and making certain lifestyle changes are the best ways to beat it, and for along time I didn't want to accept it.

Cookie, Thank you for your inspirational post. I am currently on Xanax, 0.25mg twice a day, and want nothing more than to stop taking it and start fighting this thing one-on-one, without the aid of drugs. I fear the side affects of Xanax, and the damage it is causing me while helping me with my anxiety. I planned on calling my doctor tomorrow and asking him how to taper off of it, since I was told not to stop Xanax cold turkey. Your post has given me courage to go through with my plan. I'm very afraid of the anxiety attacks that will most assuredly return once I'm off Xanax. I still have minor anxiety attacks from time to time, even when I'm on Xanax, so I know their going to come back full force once I'm off of it. I just don't know what to do to cope with that feeling like I'm dying. Like I'm floating away in my head, and that I cannot breath. I've read that some people do controlled breathing and visualization of "happy" places during attacks to get through them. You said you walk on the tread mill, but I'd be afraid I would pass out on the darn thing and crack my skull. Any other recommendations on how to beat the panic attacks without drugs? I'm not sure how strong other people's panic attacks are, but dear God! I would swear to anyone and anything that I'm dying when I have mine. My head feels super dizzy, and floaty. My vision blurs. My heart rate shoots up to over 130, just resting, and I can feel my heart pounding. My fingers go numb, my hands feel weak, my left arm hurts, my face gets numb, sometimes it feels like my mouth and tongue wants to tremble uncontrollably. It is absolutely the most terrifying experience in the world, and I would not wish it upon even my worst enemy. How do I overcome this without drugs? Do I just power through it? Grit my teeth and think of happy things until it passes? This world of anxiety/panic attacks that I have entered is horrible one, and I don't want to live in it. I want to move back into the world I grew up in, where I lived a "normal" life, and didn't have a constant feeling of dizziness and disassociation hovering over my shoulder...threatening to strike at any moment. Just thinking about it almost brings me to tears. I somehow broke myself by worrying too much about everyone, and I just want t

I wish I was ready to beat it. How do you convince yourself that you are okay? Some days I think I can beat and other days are so hard.

YOU CAN, GINA!!! I am not ther 100%, believe me, but I am on my way. For the first time, I really feel like I can beat it. I think we all can. We have trained our minds to think there is something wrong with us. Now we have to train our minds to think there is nothing wrong with us. It's hard to do. It's also hard not to worry about other people. A good friend of mine got a new motorcycle and I started worrying about him having an accident and all this stuff. I just had to stop myself and tell myself that I have no control over anything but myself. Somethings are just out of our hands. Anxiety isn't out of our hands though. I do believe in "Let Go and Let God," but I also believe that we are rewarded if we work hard. God won't miraculously cure us, but he has given us the strength to heal ourselves. I am curious how many anxiety sufferers smoke cigarettes? I've smoked for a long time. Plus for a little while I did some drugs -speed. It unleashed anxiety. Never had it before until then. I didn't do it again and the panic attacks still kept coming. I thought I was being punished. I think it was a blessing, a warning to change my life and make good of it. I am trying to be positive and make good of it no matter how "stressed" I get.

that really sounds great.i hope one day soon i can get where you are at. gina

Well, it seems to me the more I obsess about panic disorder, the more I have panic disorder. I really truly think telling myself it is all in my head and doing the best I can to ignore it helps me a bunch. I used to get really mad at my boyfriend when he would tell me to stay strong, think positive and not to be weak. Now, it has become the best thing that has happened to me. If this were a survival of the fittest world, I do not know if us panic sufferers would make it. I spent a lot of time thinking "Woe is me." I didn't think anybody understood my pain. I still have these problems and still struggle with anxiety. I am always tense. It is because I have not learned to accept life the way it is and I have horrible coping skills which I am working on at the moment. The Xanax I was taking masked the anxiety, but when I came off of it the next day, my anxiety was right back and 3-fold. I have had to force myself to not take it and to talk to myself. Instead of sitting and crying or finding my safe person, I get on the treadmill. This is in my mind. We do this to ourselves by eating bad, smoking, drinking, or thinking negative thoughts. I think the only way to truly beat this is by learning to love ourselves, take care of ourselves and by training ourselves to think positively.We are not crazy. We are sensitive. I think I am dying a lot, but I am not. I started thinking about it. If I were to be dying at this moment, would I want to remembered this way? As someone confined to the house? As someone who couldn't keep a job? As someone who just gave up and didn't fight tooth & nail? Heck no. I'd want to be remembered as someone who fought hard to beat her disease or disorder, who put 100% into beating it. Anxiety is not going to kill any one of us, but living this kind of life is so unnecessary. I have started fighting, giving it all I've got, and I am getting better. I can't feel sorry for myself if I am not doing anything but trying pill after pill after pill. I am in chqrge of my life and the quality of my life. I believe in God, and I believe He has not given us a spirit of fear. We should not fear this or these things which we fear and we are all strong enough to defeat it. I hope we all figure out how to beat this monster once and for all.