I have to apologize in advance because I think this is probably going to be a long one. I tend to ramble when I'm feeling awful.
I don't know what to do. I have never had insomnia in my entire life but for the last four nights, I cannot get to sleep and toss and turn at least until 1:00am and then wake up every hour until I have to get up at 6:00am. My husband said I'm obviously spending too much time thinking about things. So, what am I thinking about while I'm laying there? Nothing. I get to the point of just about falling asleep and then I stay there in limbo for hours feeling my heart beat faster and faster and faster knowing that I'm going to spend yet another night like this! I even tried Chamomile tea, which knocks me out, but it didn't work. Last night I was so frustrated that I jumped out of bed and went downstairs and watched tv until I fell asleep. Very unrestful night. My husband stayed home from work today so he could take the boys to school so I could get an extra hour to see if that would help. Now, I'm up and all I can do is cry. I have to go to work because it's a new job and I can't screw it up by staying home this new into it. I so badly want to call in sick but I can't. Does anyone take sleeping pills like Unisom? I am terrified to get addicted to anything but I am becoming desperate and am thinking about picking some up.
Is this because of the new job? I have social phobia and went from a quiet little office of my own to a nonstop busy doctor's office. I force myself to go to work every day and I suffer the whole time I'm there. I've even filled out the "Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts" forms that are offered on this website in the Panic Program while at work because I am so tired of this already! I can't leave this job because the benefits are so good! I can't do that to my family. It's just not an option. But, I feel like I've made a mistake in taking the job.
I feel like I am in a dark place. While I felt my heart racing last night, I thought, you know what, maybe if I had a heart attack right now it would just be ok because then I would either be rushed to the hospital or I would die, but either way I could sleep.
I am so drained.