Vickers, Well I just had a attack, it was horrific, My husband has gone to work and is totally disgusted with me, I am home alone with my little boy, he works till midnight, I took 1/2 Klonopin, a whole one will put me to sleep and I cannot do that, I started to shake with fear and dread, I hate taking klonopin in the middle of the day, I normally take it a night, it will calm me but I fear I will fall asleep and I cannot do that, the attack stemmed from feeling so weak dizzy and exhausted and feeling like I am going to die, I see the fear and confusion in my son's eyes and I just want to die, I feel so terrible about what this is doing to him, its like this "monster" is so powerful I cannot control it, I did not think you could have a relapse on meds, I hate to call my psych nurse-practioner, it almost seems she does not know what to say or do anymore, even through she is very nice and has helped me alot, she wants me to take 2 whole klonopins a day, then I get scared I will over-dose, the burning and cramping in my lower stomach is so bad, I hope it is just nerves, when the sun goes down I feel better, I have been hiding from friends and neighbors, they keep telling me how bad I look, how sick, my husband does not want me around other people, he says "lock up the house and stay inside" I guess he does not want our neighbors and friends to think I am "crazy" its probably easier than fibbing and saying I have a cold or flu, I feel this panic, depression has to be hid, noone understands and 3 years ago I lost my best friend because she kept saying I think too much about myself, am selff-absorbed and selfish and a drama queen, that hurt so bad, that is not true, I HATE thinking about myself, I just want to step out of my body and BE someone else! I do not know if I can go through this again, it was SO hard to recover 3 years ago, I am older and weaker, and I fear I will not be able to do it again, I HATE taking meds, the Zoloft does not help, the Klonopin helps a little, but I fear addiction, is two 0.5 a day too much? will I overdose? my nurse says no but I still fear it, does anyone else take klonopin?? I have to calm down my little boy will become upset, my mother-in-law says "they are going to have to commit you Debbie unless you staighten out" the worst thi

Vickers, Well I just had a attack, it was horrific, My husband has gone to work and is totally disgusted with me, I am home alone with my little boy, he works till midnight, I took 1/2 Klonopin, a whole one will put me to sleep and I cannot do that, I started to shake with fear and dread, I hate taking klonopin in the middle of the day, I normally take it a night, it will calm me but I fear I will fall asleep and I cannot do that, the attack stemmed from feeling so weak dizzy and exhausted and feeling like I am going to die, I see the fear and confusion in my son's eyes and I just want to die, I feel so terrible about what this is doing to him, its like this "monster" is so powerful I cannot control it, I did not think you could have a relapse on meds, I hate to call my psych nurse-practioner, it almost seems she does not know what to say or do anymore, even through she is very nice and has helped me alot, she wants me to take 2 whole klonopins a day, then I get scared I will over-dose, the burning and cramping in my lower stomach is so bad, I hope it is just nerves, when the sun goes down I feel better, I have been hiding from friends and neighbors, they keep telling me how bad I look, how sick, my husband does not want me around other people, he says "lock up the house and stay inside" I guess he does not want our neighbors and friends to think I am "crazy" its probably easier than fibbing and saying I have a cold or flu, I feel this panic, depression has to be hid, noone understands and 3 years ago I lost my best friend because she kept saying I think too much about myself, am selff-absorbed and selfish and a drama queen, that hurt so bad, that is not true, I HATE thinking about myself, I just want to step out of my body and BE someone else! I do not know if I can go through this again, it was SO hard to recover 3 years ago, I am older and weaker, and I fear I will not be able to do it again, I HATE taking meds, the Zoloft does not help, the Klonopin helps a little, but I fear addiction, is two 0.5 a day too much? will I overdose? my nurse says no but I still fear it, does anyone else take klonopin?? I have to calm down my little boy will become upset, my mother-in-law says "they are going to have to commit you Debbie unless you staighten out" the worst thi

Don't worry you're going to be ok! The bleeding is slowing so you know you're not going to bleed to death. And you're feeling panicky again because you've been thinking about it all day. Trust me, I do this, too! Let go of the "what if's." I know that's easier said than done, but know that they don't do any good! I think your sister means that you feel better at night because you got through another day and now you can go to bed and put it behind you. Try not to worry today. Your body needs to rest. You are going to be ok! Sending prayers your way!!

I don't know if my words are full of wisdom but the compassion is definitely there! :) I wonder if you have become a bit anemic. I know that it can cause fatigue and pale skin. I'm assuming that your husband may be like mine in that every time someting is wrong physically, he talks you into not going to the doctor because your panic attacks have made so many other doctor visits seem like a waste of time since every time we go, they find nothing and tell us it's just stress. If I was there with you, I think I would take you to the doctor though. Are you getting your strength back at all? If you feel like you need to go to the doctor, then just go. Don't worry about what your husband will think if that's an issue! For the most part, my husband is very supportive and does his best but when he gets impatient with me, I tell him, "look, I know you can't possibly understand what I'm going through so all I ask is that you pretend to and try to help me through this - I'm not asking you to make it better, I'm just asking you to be there when I need someone." I have two boys. One is 12 and he is a typical boy where he is more interested in being rowdy than what people are feeling. The other one is 14 and he has always been very compassionate and sensitive to people and always tries to help make things better for people. So, he's always asking me "are you okay?" or saying things like, "it's good to talk about it so just let it out." (That one always makes me laugh because it makes him seem so grown up.) I've learned that the best way to deal with your children when they are worried about you is to be completely honest with how you're feeling. You have to also act like it's nothing to worry about - even when your brain is racing with pure terror on the inside. But, the more honest and open you are with them, (and with husbands) the more they are able to understand what's going on and why you need a little extra support at times like this. Kids understand things and are capable of dealing with things more than we give them credit for. So, be honest and open with your son. Do what you can to help him not be afraid even though you are. And talk to your husband about how you're feeling and your fears! Being a mom, I am a nurturer and I wish I could ju

I guess I should of been careful what I wished for, I am feeling very panickly and anxious now, probably from the coffee, afraid I will faint or bleed to death or something, days are bad for me, the nights are better, my sister said "thats because the day is over" whatever that means. Its terrible to feel like you are going to keel over and die in front of your son, can you imagine the trauma and scars that would leave?! Please pray for me gang, just to live and take care of my son, he needs me. Thanks, Debbie.

Thanks for replying Vickers, whenever you do I feel better, your words are so full of wisdom and compassion. My Doctors appt is next week, you know how I hate to go to Doctors, I have always had heavy periods and this last very late one was the "grandaddy of them all" perhaps I am anemic, I keep checking to see if I am still bleeding {I am not just slight spotting like its tapering off} They say "what does not kill you makes you stronger" how I wish that were true with me it seems that what does not kill me makes me weak afraid and phobic again, I had a big juicy steak last night, did not help as much as I thought {I am still belching it up so I know my digestive tract is not working right"} and I have burning pains in my lower stomach, after months of feeling cold I now am sweating and feeling so hot, but no fever, I am so afraid VIckers I am dying from all the stress, bleeding and trauma my body endured, am I going to recover? did you ever have weeks and weeks of panic and stress and fear and then feel so weak, dizzy and exhausted? my little boy needs me, I did grocery shop last night, make out some bills, fold clothes, but it was such a effort, I am afraid I will pass out or start bleeding again {Phobia I know} I guess I feel like I have had a "breakdown" {God, how I HATE that word} and my body is trying to recover, I guess I need someone to tell me its going to be alright so bad! The nurse's secretary called back yesterday, the blood work was negative for pregnancy, they think I am in "pre-menopause" or something, I just want to get my strength and courage back and feel alive and healthy again, it breaks my heart when my little one keeps asking "are you better Mom" are you better" I just need someone to tell me I am not going to die and be alright. Thanks, Debbie.

I forgot - On very rare days, I feel very relaxed and not anxious and I find myself thinking, this doesn't feel right, shouldn't I be anxious? I know that sounds pathetic, but I guess it's kind of like a comfort zone or something because that's what I'm used to. You're not alone in that department. ;) Don't feel guilty for not having a panic attack - try to enjoy the break.

Hello Debbie! I'm sorry you're feeling so tired and worn down still! Have you been able to eat anything yet? I think things like tuna, peanut butter, eggs, chicken and of course, fruits and veggies will help you build your strength back up. Drink lots of water! Caffeine sucks out your fluids so try not to drink coffee while you're going through this because you don't want to dehydrate. I know that when I have massive panic attacks, it completely wipes me out and I have absolutely no energy at all and just want to sleep. Don't worry about not feeling panicky. I think your body is just tired from being so intense the last while. When is your doctor's appointment? I wonder if maybe you shouldn't wait and just go to an ER or get in to see a doctor beforehand. Did that one doctor ever call you back and give you the results of the blood tests she took? Can you get an earlier appointment maybe? Hang in there Debbie! I am praying for you!! :)

I hope this does not sound totally crazy, I have NOT had a panic attack in 3 days, a normal person would be very happy, instead of panicking I have a deep-down bone crushing tiredness and exhaustion, its not a good tired like when you work hard or exercise, I have drank 4 cups of strong coffee, plus a big glass of OJ and feel like I am dying. Every bone in my body feels like it is curling up and dying, its terrible when you wish you would just have a "little panic attack" because that is "normal" for you. I have gone through 5 weeks of intense panic, fear, trauma and stress, could that be making me feel like I do? I heard when the stress is over it hits you like a ton of bricks, I am very pale, my friend says I look shell-shocked like I have seen a ghost or something, so pale, no color, I am trying to eat and build myself up, I feel like I am near death, just no energy and my body is dying, and that is so scary! Is this depression due to the month and a half of trauma? I so much want to feel healthy and alive, I cannot even do light house-hold chores, my body feels depleted, can you die from all this stress and panic for so long, I feel like my body is giving out! I look outside and I think "look at those healthy happy people even older than me enjoying life" I cannot even muster enough energy for my small son and that is what is scaring me the most, this whole episode has weakened me and caused my phobic-behaviour to come back. Any help I would be so grateful, sorry this is so long. Thank you, Debbie.