Afraid to turn into a bear when
quitting? Maybe you've quit and it's already
happened? Explosive, quick to anger over little
things? Unexpected outbursts? You are not alone, but
rather one of many.
What happens?
People in recovery do have ups and downs, and sometimes more downs than ups
unless they adopt new ways of coping, none of which happen
overnight. We keep saying that quitting is a process. Anger may play
an unexpected role for you in this process, and better coping skills need to be
developed to deal with this also.
When *many* smokers and dippers quit, they go through changes that require some
unmasking. Take anger, for instance: As nicotine addicts,
we might have swallowed our anger, or lit up/chewed rather than make a scene
when something really irked us. It might have been easier and less
stressful than engaging in confrontation about some problem. I'm
confident that most smokers and dippers who were "put in their place"
can remember exhaling the smoke slowly at some time or other to
decompress. They puffed or chewed away for dear life rather than say
their piece and end up getting fired from a much-needed job, to offer one example,
or be in an in-law’s bad books forever, to name another.
In such anger, a nicotine fix became the crutch, the comforter and the savior
of sorts, and quite a coping mechanism! (Or so we thought
anyway.) Get my drift?
With the giving up (and loss from our lives) of that lifelong 'all-round
friend' the cigarette, we literally go through mourning with all its stages,
including the stage of sadness and anger. Quitting is a major loss,
both physically and psychologically, and in addiction, a quitter will naturally
mourn that loss for a little while, until they freely accept the quit and adopt
it, just letting go of smoking or chewing.
But besides that mourning, there are also things that can naturally trigger an
angry response in a quitter: For instance, typical little things
such as finding an empty roll on the toilet paper dispenser, discovering
someone's dirty laundry on the floor, coming across dirty dishes in another
part of the house, etc., all could NOW send a quitter into that angry
zone. When you smoked you might have lit up and maybe said nothing
in those situations, maybe even allowed yourself a sigh of
exasperation. Now, however, it could send you in a real
tailspin. It's demoralizing if you turn into an ogre and don't know
how to deal with it.
If so, realize that in this situation, you are resorting to anger in response
to a small trigger. You are coping with an irritant by getting
angry. Something isn't right here, correct?
Without a nicotine fix, the next irritant to come along might be added to the
mental stack of current irritants, until the quitter either learns to deal with
them in a new way, or has an outburst.
Dysfunctional anger management? Inadequate communication habits?
Quitting is a learning process. In smoking days, some of the time we lit up to
cope, and that particular coping avenue is gone now. We have to find other
ways.
The same irritants exist as before, but upon quitting, the coping mechanism of
old is not there. Some quitters will lash out for a while until they
learn what is happening to them and how to deal with it. While they
are trying desperately to stay quit and focus their attention on dealing with
cravings, they may not be aware right away of some of the other things
happening to them.
Sudden anger is unpleasant and scary for the quitter, not to mention your loved
ones, friends and co-workers. Quitters and family alike feel
helpless for a little while, amazed (and maybe fearful) at what is happening,
at how easy anger rises. It can take a couple of weeks and maybe one
memorable outburst to really alert you to stop and take an inventory of
sorts. As soon as you can, develop adequate
strategies. It may take a while to get everything right, but
everyone has to begin somewhere. Do not resort to smoking or chewing! There
are ways to deal with it.
Gaining control over nicotine addiction involves recovery, which in turn
involves self-discovery and self-appreciation, and it is a process of necessary
change on many fronts, including how we deal with many things.
A quitter who is angry may realize he/she is stressed to begin
with. He should try to reduce his stress level, to reduce the bigger
things that normally would not make someone feel really angry about an empty
paper dispenser. (Maybe annoyed, but angry?)
Accepting our own limitations and the limitations of others is part of the
discovery to be made. We've actually begun. We understand
smokers, we now have a soft spot for them, but don't want to be in their shoes
any more, and may dislike being near them. We don't want to condemn
them. After all we were once really in their shoes.
Some strategies:
• Take regular, planned timeouts for
yourself. Be realistic and honest: How often did you take a break to
light up before? 20, 30 times a day? More? For 5 or 10
minutes? That inner regular need for a break to change your thoughts or
environment and decompress at regular intervals should not be abandoned
altogether, now should it? Pay close attention to this old existing
need. Substitute a breathing exercise or something relaxing and
self-loving. Set an alarm clock if you need reminding and keep
resetting it. Listen to some music perhaps too, or just pick a form of *regular
distraction and relaxation*, and do it for a couple of minutes each
time. If you take regular 'non-smoking’ decompression breaks, you
may be pleasantly surprised at the results.
• Practice relaxation techniques and adopt some
into your routine. Successful people really do. Here’s a
simple breathing exercise when you feel tense: With shoulders back
and tummy in, inhale deeply for a slow count of five, exhale for a slow count
of five. Do five of these at a time. (You can do this at your
computer too)
• Each day, reflect on, and study your stress
levels. Try to reduce the causes of other high stress in your life
if you can, by altering the cause. Look at the cause-s. Much of it
may be self-imposed.
* Consider looking for another job, in another line of work, if
necessary.
* Learn to say no to the impositions of others. You are presently
enrolled in a ‘Quitting Course.’ (If you had to pay for a quitting program,
would you not find a way to prioritize it above the demands of other people?)
* Don’t waste precious energy in criticism of yourself and others. Adopt a Live
and Let Live attitude. Focus on your happiness. Anger releases bad hormones
into your body. Work on the opposite.
* Put things in perspective.
• Value yourself more. Believe that you
are really something! Quitting is not for sissies. You
may not have arrived yet, but you’ve left the starting gate. We do
appreciate what you're going through. Start pampering and loving
yourself, now! Talk positive self-talk to yourself. Some people are
too self-critical. Ease up. No one is perfect.
• The Canadian Institute of Stress believes that
by doing something satisfying or pleasurable, we can take the edge
off. This is so important! (Ahem, ever hear of making a
reward plan?) The reason is that when we are experiencing enjoyment
or pleasure, our body is pumping out less adrenalin. If you haven't
made that reward plan, better late than never, do it now! (And then
when you post your stats, share your rewards in order to inspire others to add
to their plan too.)
• Until you can control this anger, (what you say,
the way you say it, how you react) it's better to take a time out than lose a
friend or alienate a loved one. Isolate yourself in the bedroom or
washroom until you feel you can control yourself.
• Get adequate sleep and rest. Indulge
in an afternoon or evening nap. There's nothing like fatigue to make
us feel edgy to begin with. In recovery, we need more rest, as every
organ in the body is going through some pretty serious adjusting and withdrawal
over a few months.
• Anger can be managed. Study up on
anger management: Get a book from the library, search the Internet,
or consider getting professional help.
• Improve communication skills. Study
up on this too. Get a book from the library. They give
classes in this. Lots of fun. Really!
If you are a quitter going through this, please explain to your family and
friends that this will pass as you recover. Here's to you!
A little note: If you cannot improve on the sadness and anger, I
urge you to discuss this with your physician. The problem may be
related to something else and your physician can help you through this.
