Hi Outlaw,
I am asking you over for a cup of coffee and you and I are going to talk a little.
Let me tell you about me, I am a 48 year old woman, agrophobic (4years housebound), Panic, Anxiety, PTSD, depression and a choking phobia. My man left me 2 months ago, just came in from work packed his stuff and left, said I didnt know how to have fun.
I could not eat without him in the house, I cant drive, was terrified of being alone. Now I truely was alone.
Forward the tape to now. The past 2 months taught me that I have the strength to recover and I am here to tell you its **** hard. I learned to eat alone, even 1 piece of cereal at a time and sometimes it took 2 hours to eat a bowl of cereal. I can walk around the block alone, I can drive a little now too (with someone in the car, have not graduated yet) I can go into a store to buy food (not alone yet) and I go out a little with friends.
My heart is shattered, my mind is fearful but I have to figure out daily how to live. And do it all with anxiety and panic as my constant pals.
I am teaching myself to think differently about my symptoms, fears and problems. It doesnt come easy, just like a broken bone it takes time to heal an oversensitized mind from years and years of doubts, fears, terror, symptoms and negative thoughts.
My strongest source of support has been "Hope and Help For Your Nerves" by Claire Weekes, every **** day is full of anxiety and fear, but you know I been living with it for so long now it scares me more when I am able to do things like a "normal" person.
Currently I think you are exhausted in your mind, body and soul fighting everyday to maintain some sort of "normal" life. You are also beating yourself up for not being a "strong man". Well you ARE a strong man, how else could you live with this EVERYDAY?
Worrying about symptoms and being afraid of our own thoughts and feelings is what is wrong with all of us having anxiety and panic. We fear our own thoughts! Its as simple and as hard as that. Like meditation, the simplest form of meditation, following your breath, concentrating on just following your breath and keeping your mind from wandering, is the simplest and the hardest thing to do.
We have trained ourselves over the years to be afraid of our own thought