Hey new me! I can relate! I used to fight with my mom so bad! I said the most horrible things to her and for a time I really wanted her to feel bad. I went out of my way to make her life hell because she had done something to hurt me (which wasn't that big a deal looking back now but at the time- in my teenage years, it consumed me!). She tried to write me a letter, I ignored her. At christmas, she gave me a beautiful card with a verse in it that really touched me. She saw me read it, I glanced at her, threw my eyes up to heaven and just dropped the card on the floor. My aunt later told me that she had spent over two hours in the card shop looking for something special and that she had cried when she read that passage.
The strange part was that it made me feel bad being so cruel to her but I never let on. I didn't work, I barely went to school, it looked like I was on the road to nowhere and I would say it broke her heart.
She never gave out to me for treating her so badly, not one single time. It was 2 years that I wasted, behaving like an idiot. She knew that she couldn't bring me round and that giving out to me was a complete waste of time. Although she admitted later on that it was excruciating, she had to step back and let me make my own decisions and hope that she had raised me well and as I said, I wasted 2 years being a complete bum and just taking and taking.
Then I grew up! I don't know what changed, nothing drastic happened. I think I cooked dinner one night and then it was a truce. Neither of us mentioned it for a long time and when I got up the courage to apologise, she forgave me 100% per cent and didn't have any digs at me which must have taken a lot of self control!
The point is, I was unhappy, about what I don't know! And for no reason, apart from the fact that she was there, I took it out on my mom and made her the target for my hatred, bitterness and anger for 2 years. It had nothing to do with her, it was all my own problems and issues that I had to deal with. That feels like another life now.
Your son could just be going through his own rough patch at the moment and although he is making your life hell, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you. Remember, we always hurt the ones we love and the people closest to us. Just give him some space if you can, it will be helpful to you as well not to let yourself get into the middle. My mom just let me know that she was there for me, whenever i needed her and that she loved me. She didn't ever tell me how I made her feel, she didn't need to, she knew that I was sorry and that if I could go back and change time, I would never hurt her like that again.
What Rusty is saying is right, don't chase him. Stay in your circle, calm and focused. You are there when he needs you, and he will come to you.
Kids are hell yeah! I don't think I want any!
My Milage:My Quit Date: 5/26/2008
Smoke-Free Days: 20
Cigarettes Not Smoked: 460
Amount Saved: �173.65
Life Gained:Days: 1
Hrs: 8
Mins: 53
Seconds: 2