I'm on a medical leave for the first time in my career because my anxiety is so bad. I live in Canada, so I don't know what the rules are where you live, but I'll give you a synopsis of what I've experienced so far.
I was put on leave on August 17 for a minimum of 4 weeks by my CBT / psychiatrist. I did not tell my supervisor anything, with the exception that I would be off for personal medical reasons. The policy in the hospital where I work is to have a caseworker assigned to you in Occupational Health. She knows why I am off, but no one else does. They cannot fire me because I am sick and unable to come to work - I could sue the pants off them for wrongful dismissal if they did.
My leave has been extended until the end of September, and honestly I can't see myself going back to work until Christmas / New Year. I am recieving sick pay benefits (66% of my regular pay, as per policy) for 15 weeks, and then I am entitled to unemployement insurance. I am fortunate to be married and have a second income in the house, not to mention an extremely supportive husband who frankly doesn't care if I never go back to work. He just wants me to be happy.
After a lifetime of pushing myself too hard and way past the point of exhaustion, I have decided that my body has given me a wakeup call. I, too, have had an episode bad enough to call 911, so you are not alone in that. I, too, am often afraid of being alone. After 4 weeks of intense self-examination and thinking, I have decided to turn this into a positive opportunity. I deserve to be off work. I am unable to work as I am battling a life-consuming disorder. I am exhausted, I am weakened, and I am afraid. I deserve rest. But, I will not go back to work until I decide and I am absolutely ready.
Like I said, my body is now calling the shots and it actually feels really good accept that I'm on a leave. I'm not saying its easy, but I know that being at home is the right place for me now. If I were to return to work too early, it would undo all of the hard work and effort I have put into my recovery.
Sorry this has turned into such a rant, but I really identified with how you are feeling. Ask you doctor to put you on a medical leave, it sounds like you could use a rest. Tell you employer nothi